Susan Foote
Agape Baptist College
Agape Baptist Church
Stockton, MO
Everyone Has a Story, mine is something like this....
I am on my 3rd marriage to the same man!
Mark 10:8 - 9 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
June 28, 1980, I made this vow.
I, Susan, take thee, Craig, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish and obey, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge myself to you.
As very young adults, we had no idea what those vows meant. You never really think life and all the heartache will happen to you. It is just experiences you hear about, that happen to other people.
My first marriage was to a lost man. But I was lost as well.
I knew after dating him for a month he would be the one I married. It took him a year to figure it out. We got engaged in Dec. of 1979, we were married in June of 1980. And Emily came along in May of 1982. I was very happy to be a mom!
We were very young when we got married, I was 17, my hubby was 18. We had no idea what we were in for! We were in love… but we had a lot of struggles because we were living for ourselves and very much in the world.
Two of my older siblings got saved and began to pray and witness to the rest of my family. My oldest brother became the pastor of a little country church in my home town. As a result of the prayers and outreach we went to visit his church.
In November of 1982, we got saved!
My second marriage was to a saved man - The Preacher
When we got saved everything changed, we started living for the Lord and for each other, now our lives and marriage were lined up with the Bible. We had always gone to church, but now we were hearing Bible teaching on marriage,
family, and how we were supposed to live. We still had the struggles of a young family, but our marriage relationship improved greatly!
In November of 1983 our first huge trial came! Our second child was born, but he was still born. I had never in my life felt such pain, I had no idea what grief was all about. I had a c-section to deliver him, so I spent the next 5 days in the hospital. My husband was the single pall bearer at his funeral. I couldn’t bring myself to even go, so I just stayed at the hospital. We experienced what my husband calls the second phase of God’s grace. He wrapped his arms around us and healed our broken hearts. Our daughter was 18 months old at the time, I was so thankful to have her to fill my heart and arms, that were aching to hold my baby. I don’t know that you ever get over the loss of a child. I can’t wait to see our son, Rusty, in Heaven one day. But through this tragedy, the Lord brought us closer together and it also taught us compassion for others who had lost someone dear to them. Everyone grieves in their own way, but sometimes it helps if you can just say “I have been there, I know how you feel.”
In January of 1985, our 3rd child was born, after some complications and an emergency c-section, the Lord gave us our son, Shannon. Our family was complete! We were blessed with 2 healthy children. He was the New Year baby that year, so he came with lots of gifts, and free hospital stay!! Wow! My husband was a happy man, he grew up with all sisters, so his desire was to have a son.
Psalms 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
In 1986, my husband was called to preach at Pastor’s School in Hammond Indiana. So, we packed up everything we owned and moved to Hammond, Indiana. I had always lived near my family, I am a #8, I have a very large family! So, this move was a huge change for me. I have a twin and it was hard to leave her and my family in Louisiana. Once again, I learned to have compassion on others who did not get to live near family. The Lord brings things into our lives, so we can help others.
My husband pastored 5 churches from 1990 to 2018. His longest tenure was at Grace Baptist Church in Marrero, LA from 1998 to 2014. We loved the pastorate, we had many great years of serving the Lord together. The part of the wedding
vows for RICHER, for POORER, we had lived on both sides of that one for years. Now we were going to experience the other 2.
I am going to back track to the tragedy struck our lives on Nov. 19, 2011.
My THIRD marriage – Still the same man but learning to live with a different personality because of traumatic brain injury!
The part of the wedding vows, for better or WORSE, in SICKNESS and in health, really came life, we had lived on the side of better and health for many years. Now we were dealing with WORSE and SICKNESS. Things had changed!
Romans 8:28 – And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
This is easy to quote but hard to live!!
On November 19, 2011, a young man attacked my husband with what was believed to be a baseball bat. He hit him in the back of the head, while he was out soulwinning. This landed him in ICU with traumatic brain injury. For 6 days he didn’t know anything. He had a blank stare in his eyes. The back of his head was squishy to the touch. Who attacks a preacher… I had never worried about him getting hurt on the job.
He didn’t know where he was or what day of the week it was, but… I knew he was still in there because when he would pray, he could pray for all the missionaries that our church supported. And our church family in alphabetical order. The devil attacked him, but the Lord preserved the part of his brain in which his Bible knowledge and prayer life was stored.
When I would feel lonesome I would ask him to pray so I could hear the Craig I had known for years! Again, I got to experience the second phase of God’s grace. I did all I could to help him get better, taking on the role of care giver. I was his chauffer for 51 days!! Because he lost the use of his arm, due to blood clots in his shoulder, he could not drive. Eventually he regained full use of his arm with physical therapy.
Don’t ever pray for patience…. just saying!
Our kids and church family took amazing care of us at that time. I was able to share and pass on the goodies and prayers with all the other families in the ICU waiting room. There were so many without family, friends, hope or the Lord. Most were in there because of motorcycle accidents.
When we got home, and life settled back into a routine…. things were different… our relationship, his personality, the way he made decisions, the way he did things.
For example – he had washed his truck on Monday afternoon for 31 plus years, now he hardly ever washes his truck. This is a small change, both are fine, just different.
It is hard to explain the differences to other people, but to me they are Huge!
Emotional detachment and perseveration are the 2 main differences we still deal with. Along with him losing his sense of taste and smell.
I had never heard of emotional detachment, but I was now having to learn to live with it..
Definition of emotional detachment - a tragedy that can cause a person to lose their emotional connection to other people.
Definition of perseveration – repetition of a particular response.
The first year was all about his recovery and getting things back to normal.
The following year I knew something was terribly wrong.
People would say, “your so blessed that he survived!”
And yes, I was, but I still had to allow myself time to mourn the loss that I felt.
That is when I realized I was mourning the loss of the man (my honey) that he was before the attack. The man that I had loved for 30 plus years, that man was gone!
I would find myself crying over everything because I couldn’t tell anyone why I was really crying… I felt so guilty for feeling this way, because he was still right there in front of me. I finally asked the Lord to take away my tears… and He did!
I started a journal of sorts, that helped a lot, to just write out my thoughts and verses that spoke to me. I also kept my schedule so busy that I just didn’t have a lot of time to think.
Phil. 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I am still working on this, but I consider myself a content person.
I feel like mourning the loss of a person who is still alive, is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do!
This is God’s will for our lives, but at times, hard to deal with.
I claimed these verses and hung on for the ride!
Psalms 29:13-14- I had fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
On the flip side it has opened doors for me to help other women who have experienced some of the same issues. Whether it be their spouse or a child.
I am not in control of these things, but deeply loved by the One who is!
We promised till death do us part, and we both meant it. June28, 2019 will be our 39th wedding anniversary.
Marriage is for a life time!
Will it always be easy? NO
Will it be worth it? YES
Just remember, everyone has a story.
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