He Can Give and He Can Take Away / Melody Booth

Mrs Melody Booth

Pastor's Wife

Gateway Baptist Church

Clinton, IA

The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. – Job 1:21

I remember we were celebrating my husbands birthday. We had gone to lunch at Olive Garden, and we had done some window shopping. We were both happy and enjoying our time together. I was nauseous and tired , but excited because we were going to the OBGYN for a check up. Having two previous miscarriages, I was a little nervous about this one, but I had been real sick with this pregnancy, so I thought everything was going well. We saw our midwife Pam, who knew us well, and had been there for many of our births. After some small chit chat, she got the doppler out to listen to the heartbeat of the baby, but she couldn’t find the heartbeat. She sent us for an ultra sound right away to see what was wrong. In the pit of my stomach I already knew the answer. In the ultrasound room, the technician was very quiet, and then looked at me and my husband and said “ Do you understand what’s going on?” I nodded my head yes. Then she said “I’m so sorry”. I was numb, and a little in shock. Was this for real? I couldn’t believe this was happening. What had I done? It’s all my fault. Was it the tea I drank? Maybe that was too much caffeine? Was it something I ate? Did I exercise wrong? Or maybe too much? Should I have been taking more supplements ? Was it my thyroid? Was I not taking care of myself like I should? These were the first thoughts that entered my head. I started to cry. My husband prayed with me right there, but my heart was so broken, I had no idea what he prayed. Some of the nurses and my sweet midwife Pam came to give me a hug and tell me they were sorry. My midwife handed me a paper on miscarriage management. Apparently, the baby had already been dead for about a week. If the baby didn’t come out on it’s own in the next week, I was going to need a D&C. My heart sank, I didn’t want to be reading a paper on miscarriage management. I wanted to be celebrating a new little one. After another week though, the baby had still not come out on its own, so I was scheduled for a D&C at the hospital. But the very morning that I was scheduled to go in

the hospital, my body decided to go on it’s own. It was around 5:30 in the morning, and the bleeding started. I was so tired and in a lot of pain, that I wasn’t even paying attention to how much blood I was losing. All of a sudden, I got this incredible pain in my head. It was unbearable. I started to feel real nauseous and began throwing up. I knew that wasn’t right . We called our obgyn hotline and they told us to get to the hospital right away. I threw on some clothes and my sweet sister in law came to pick up my little ones. On the way to the hospital, again, there was that incredible and unbearable pain in my head and I started to feel so sick and then I could feel myself fading out. For the first time ever in my life, I thought , Am I going to die? Am I going to die on the way to the hospital? Lord , I prayed, please don’t let me die. I know what it’s like to grow up without a mom. Please don’t let my kids go through that, please protect me. I could hear my husband calling my name and snapping his fingers at me, and I started to open my eyes. He stopped and pulled over to a small town hospital. They were able to get me stable, and transported me by ambulance to the hospital where my doctor was at. Once I got to the hospital, again I passed out. My husband was trying to wake me up, and when I opened my eyes, the doctor was there, and nurses were everywhere. They were able to find the root of the problem, which was a huge clot stuck inside me. After that, they did surgery, and I was able to come out ok. After all was said and done, it was a class 3 hemorrhage. I was very thankful to the Lord for watching over me and allowing me to live. I never got bitter or angry at the Lord through all of this, but I did wonder why this had all happened. The Lord has been so good to me, and has given me eight healthy children. How could I complain about anything? The Lord was so good to teach me a lot of things through this.

1. God is the author of Life.

No matter how many times , I would try and wrap my head around why I lost the baby or what I did wrong or what caused it. I had to realize that God is the author of life, and everything is in his power. He can give, and He can take away. Job 1:21- the Lord

gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

2. He allows me to go through trials, so I can be a better blessing to someone else.

Jude 1:22 And of some having compassion, making a difference.

If it’s one thing I have learned over and over in ministry. It’s that the Lord allows me to go through things, so I can be a better blessing to other people. If I’ve been through it, I know what it feels like. I know the hurts and sorrows. I will have a better sense of compassion, and I’m more likely to be a better blessing to another person going through the same thing. I can pray a lot better. I will be a better friend and encourager .

3. Depression is real, even for the Christian.

Psalms 34:18-19 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite heart. Many are the affiliations of the righteous : but the Lord deliverereth them out of all their troubles.

The weeks following my recovery were hard. I had excruciating headaches. I had no strength from losing so much blood. I was in bed most of the time. I missed all of my kids activities. I couldn’t do anything. And well, it was depressing. I had no joy, and I couldn’t shake the funk that I was in. I couldn’t laugh at my kids or smile or anything. I was just numb. I’m sure I worried my husband there for a while. All I can say is that I kept myself where I should be, so I could get myself back on the right track. Once I got a little better, I was able to go back to church and get fed. I was able to get back in my Bible. I was able able to get busy again, and get my eyes off myself. But please don’t ever judge someone going through a hard time. Don’t ever think that your

super spiritual, and you would never react that way. Have you gone through , what they have been through?

4. There are some things, we just will never understand.

Isaiah 55:8-9

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

This is one of my all time favorite verses. I always come to this verse , whenever I don’t understand what the Lord is doing. I will never understand why the Lord allows certain circumstances in our life. But my little finite mind will never comprehend the greatness of God and all that He does. I just need to understand that the Creator of this universe, has it all under control, and whatever He allows to happen is His Way and His thoughts.

I realize there are those who might be reading this who have gone through so much worse. And I am so sorry! And my heart goes out to you! But I’m glad to share just some of the things the Lord showed me during this time.