Mrs Jami McConkey
Pastor's Wife
Maranatha Baptist Church
Jacksonville, NC
CONTENTMENT, noun 1. Content; a resting or satisfaction of mind without disquiet; acquiescence. CONTENTMENT, without external honor, is humility. Godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6.
God wants us to live victorious and balanced Christian lives! His desire for us is to not suffer heartache and trials due to our unrealistic expectations! Often we set ourselves up for trouble when we expect something that is just not going play out like we imagined.
-My husband was a youth pastor twice before God brought us here to Maranatha. One “perk” was going to fun places on Senior trips! When our firstborn, Jalyn, was around 8 months old she went with us to Niagara Falls, Canada with our youth group. What fun we had!!!! I had gone before when I traveled with a tour group from Hyles-Anderson. It was amazing and just like I had remembered it!!!!! The reality met or exceeded my expectations!
Another trip we went to Washington DC. That place is full of great things to see and explore... you could go on several trips and still see new things and visit places you had not been to on previous trips. On this trip, we were able to get a tour of the White House!!!!! We were so excited!!! We went through all the hoops to get our names on the list and went through the various security check points the day of the tour. We finally entered this famous and historic building and started the tour. You know what? I was not impressed! We saw some rooms, but there wasn’t much in them… just a big room that we walked around the edges of. Some rooms were roped off and could only be peeked at …but it was just not much of a WOW tour!!! I wasn’t expecting to meet the President or First Lady… see history made right in front of my eyes… but whatever they were… my expectations were NOT met!!!! I did not let that ruin the trip...but it’s a great example of reality not meeting up with our expectations!
What are some areas in our lives that can have “Unrealistic expectations? --
-Where we live -Family relationships/ parents & siblings
-Spouse relationship -In Law relationships -Children/Parenting -Friend/family relationships -Our Bodies
-Possesions
Below are a few thoughts on some areas of our lives that we often have unrealistic expectations! For time’s sake, I have thought out just a few! We could add more and keep going on and on! Our homes -what our parents have now… is not what they started with… they call them starter homes for a reason! God provided us with a couch at every home we have lived in… including the encyclopedia to be used as the 4th leg! They weren’t always the new trend or fancy, but God provided seating for our home! We have had a red, blue, green plaid couch set, a light blue tweed sleeper sofa, an orange tweed sleeper sofa (that was not as ugly as it sounded!) and lastly a cat’s former home… because the arms were all scratched up! A few years ago, my husband called me out to the store and gave the option to pick my Christmas gift- an upgraded wedding band… or a couch, love seat & recliner set… how cruel to make me choose!!!! I looked at the diamond band that I had wanted for 10 years… and then I looked at the furniture store. In case you haven’t been to our home, I chose the new furniture! I laugh and say it only took 10 years of marriage! When I watch couples on house hunters and other home decorating shows; I am amazed at the “wish list” that is more of a “demand list” for a young couple with no kids and just getting married! It’s crazy how our focus becomes on having the biggest and best no matter what strain it puts on reality of paying those bills!!! All that knit picking and having everything at such a high level so early… really takes the fun out of seeing God provide for your needs!!!! Our first 10 years of marriage was no sad pity party because our couch wasn’t brand new or fancy! We never shed a tear, but rather praised God for another home to move into… AND another couch from a new friend!!!! Our husbands- God made him, his mom and dad raised him, you met and fell in love with him! enjoy that gift!!!! Rather than try to change him or improve him to your standard… pray for God to help you be the wife he needs you to be! THAT will change your marriage!!!! Keep your heart pumping for him and him alone!!!! Who cares if he leaves the toilet seat up, leaves shoes out and any other “annoying” traits he may have. REMEMBER THIS- there is a widow somewhere who would give her right arm to have those shoes left out, and that stupid toilet seat up!!!! There is a military wife somewhere who would gladly have her husband home each night… so enjoy every “wife” chore you have! <<we’ll look back someday and laugh at the young self who complains about picking up dirty socks! ((How to keep that fire going???? Don’t focus on the dirty socks… think about his kisses... his arms around you and all those fun times that follow! - to keep a fire you must kindle it!))) << that another devotion! xoxo
Issues and situations come up… I am no expert or have all the answers for each trial we may face. I can only vouch for the 12-year club, others can vouch for the 20+ club… you don’t get there without WORK!!!! What a precious gift we pass on to our children…. The gift of a loving home with a mom and dad who work at their marriage and keep the home together! As a child of multiple divorces from both parents…. IT IS WORTH IT!!!!!
Comparison is the thief of JOY!
Our children When new babies come into our home- it’s a full-time job! It can be hard to keep that balance of a sane lady and the frazzled, sleep deprived new mom! How can you keep calm when you have a newborn? Keep your eyes on Jesus! You are operating with a new normal… say “see ya later” to the old normal! Its gone sister! The joys of motherhood are numerous… and so are the “new” things you get to figure out! By keeping your center focus on Jesus.. keep reading your Bible… have it read to you will be helpful now (Bible apps are great for those alone times with baby!) keep praying! -so glad that God’s line is never busy or closed for maintenance... .so those 3am feedings are a GREAT time to talk to your Jesus!!!! By striving to get as much church time as you can… keeps you feeling like a normal human… even if your milk comes in...--right in the middle of a service- the child will not starve and you will get to finish a service which has now become an Olympic feat!!!! Only from personal experience can I say that you are the mom and you help guide your babies feeding patterns- its worth the effort to get back into church! Children also grow and progress differently! Don’t let little johnny walking at 10 months discourage you if your baby is still loving his/her belly rolling or scooting around! Milestones are just simple suggestions! Enjoy each stage and milestone and enjoy the simple progress that children
Our bodies Yes I said it… being content with how God made you … both fearfully and wonderfully made… He did not make a mistake! New babies do a lot of changing do the mommies body… still fearfully and wonderfully made! I don’t believe in “just not caring” or “letting yourself go”, but don’t be ashamed of the fact that you have a newborn baby… and the jelly belly to prove it!!!! Work towards realistic goals… only folks with personal trainers and lots of money and previously photoshopped pictures of themselves… are able to get back to that old body in 6 weeks! Enjoy that baby and all the “newness” of the new baby body you have now!
Comparing your body to another woman’s body= pointless! God blessed us all differently… and in so many ways! Each of us should thank HIM for making You- YOU!!!! Be the best YOU that YOU can be!!!!
Psalm 139:14
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
Our jobs Each family is different with jobs outside the home and jobs inside the home. Right now our “chore wheel” is the most diverse it has been in all of our 12.5 years of marriage!!!! We are a team! For me to be at the church working on a variety of tasks… I am not home like I would like to be or sometimes need to be! My husband and children help with many of the household duties to make it all come together for our “family ministry”! If I see someone else staying home more I can get out of focus… fast! Likewise, if we hear of a husband doing more housework than ours… we can get jealous of that home and not even know why it’s like that! Once during a “newlywed game” a couple stunned us with their answer a standard question of “How much housework does your husband do?” Everyone else’s answers were 20% or less. This lady’s answer- 75%!!!!! SAY WHAT!!!!!! <<<< she had had back cancer so he worked a full-time job but did the things she couldn’t physically do! IT’S A BEAUTIFUL THING----PERSPECTIVE!!!
Our role in the current chapter of life…
We all wear different hats… many hats each day! Some of us are excellent at hat stacking!!!! I think the devil uses this to get us discouraged. My dentist is a great lady. She made a statement that she was behind in her life goals… she has a very successful practice, has opened a 2nd location in Wilmington… but in her heart of hearts, she thought she would be a bit further along her career goal line at this point in life. She has two choices at the juncture in life- she can get discouraged, slow down, just be ok with where she is now and not concerned about future growth career wise… OR She can use this reflection as motivation… not necessarily re-evaluate as in throw out the plan she set for herself years ago… but she can take the experience she has learned over the past years and apply that as to how to most effectively achieve her goals! -not goal torching… but a mere adjustment in the sails!! Where are you at in life? Many of you did not plan on a military life… but God led you to a man who has your heart… and where he goes you will follow! There’s great character in living that way! You get to pass down life experiences and life lessons to your children that others don’t get! - all of them… good, bad…. And other!
Possessions. In life, we have stuff. But we all need to keep our stuff in perspective! Sometimes God takes things away from us to get us back into perspective! I don’t want to get materialistic minded and loose the focus of where God has me! There are lots of “clothing” pieces that I would like to have…but do I HAVE TO HAVE THEM???? Of course!!! Lol! Not really! I need to be content with what I have and make it look the best with what God has blessed me with! Now I am all about looking nice and put together… love me some modern modesty…. But it can become my obsession with me buying something because I see someone else wearing it and think I
HAVE TO HAVE IT….NOW!!!!!! a verse that I often find myself saying… I use this verse for myself, my kids- often! To refocus us on what is really important!
Philippians 4:11
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
Lastly, there is one area that being “just content with” is not ok…. Our Christian walk!!!!! We all have come to a point where we realized that we are sinner, in need of a perfect Jesus to pay the price for our sins. But we never “arrive” at the perfection point in this life! ((That’s what those who are trusting in good works are working towards!!!)) Each day we much keep our hope in Jesus! Our Bible reading and prayer is what keeps the communication lines open and clear! Church attendance helps with fellowship and encouragement from our sister friends and church family ---or it should!
If you find yourself just going through the motions… spend some time in prayer, go to the altar during invitation and ask God to show you how to have victory in your life! He saved us to use us for His glory… not to be a “pretty” up on the shelf! - or miserable because of something we used to do and “can’t anymore!” If you are like me, it is not always “easy” to keep up all the things you need to keep up with! For someone who often says I’m not a hat person… I have many hats to wear! Being content with my home, family, possessions, job, etc… is a balancing act that I will lose along with any sanity I have left IF I don’t get my power from HIM!!!! To borrow are phrase from a favorite song- I’m not discouraged, I’ve Heaven bound!
My prayer is that we allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us…work on those areas or others that came to your mind while reading… where we may need some perspective and growth to keep on keeping on for HIM!!! Love and prayers for you! Jami McConkey Job 23:10
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