Mrs Kayte McCoy
Pastor's Wife
Harts Hill Baptist Church
Whitesboro, NY
His Healing Hand
These are the sad statistics regarding sexual abuse in America.
I've chosen to address the woman who is burdened with abuse in her past, offering Biblical principles for embracing the Lord's healing. In a short article such as this, I could never fully cover the needs this subject presents, but my goal is to perhaps crack open the door to a long hidden, darkened corner of a fractured and wounded heart, or maybe help along the healing that has already begun, or to offer some tools to a lady ministering to another woman who is struggling with sexual abuse in her past. I am focusing my thoughts toward sexual abuse, but many of the after effects of abuse of other natures are similar. With that being said, we are each individuals, loved individually by a very personal God. I would strongly encourage any lady with abuse in her background to counsel on a one on one basis with a godly lady she can trust.
By stretching forth thine hand to heal; and that signs and wonders may be
done by the name of thy holy child Jesus.
Acts 4:30
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
Healing is available to all. God can heal any hurt. Nothing is too big or too hard for Him. His grace is greater than any sin- even those committed against you.
I have not quite figured out WHY, but we seem to have a hard time allowing God's healing to begin in our hearts. I am not sure if it is pride, or Satan's tricks at work to keep us bound up in shame and guilt and suffering. But I do know that there was a point when I had to reach a decision: God can heal and I will allow Him to do so. I believe II Corinthians 12:9 with all my heart and trust that God has exactly what I need to mend the broken pieces that abuse created.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
II Corinthians 12:9
I'm going to share some thoughts that have been very helpful to me, and I pray that they help others as well.
~Recognize and release your abuse. We all know that denial of a problem only makes it worse. If an abused person has never openly shared with a trusted friend or counselor, doing so can be incredibly helpful. The abuse is no longer a secret; it's a recognized fact. Repressing what we have experienced or how we feel about those experiences only prohibits healing. Those festering hurts result in bitterness, and result in many unhealthy coping mechanisms that can plague people for their entire lives.
However, my experience has been that too much "recognition" of abuse can also hinder healing. Dwelling and reliving in our minds the events or circumstances of abuse is like ripping off the scab of a wound. Indulging thoughts of revenge, or "what ifs" are equally destructive. The abuse may have actually happened to the body, but the battle now is for the mind.
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
II Corinthians 10:5
Releasing the pain of abuse starts with forgiveness. Forgiveness is not easy. Most of society seems to accept that some things are beyond forgiveness. I remember my pastor telling me that I needed to forgive my abuser and immediately I thought, "Impossible. Cannot be done." I wasn't trying to be stubborn. I really truly thought it was beyond human ability. And in a way, I was right. We will need to have the Lord's grace in abundance to forgive. Again, putting an end to the habit of dwelling in your mind will help with forgiveness. When my mind, by long habit, would go there, I would pray for my abuser. Forgiveness of big hurts can take some time, and can be something that needs to be revisited over the years but it is possible and completely vital to healing.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Matthew 5:44
A common phrase is "forgive and forget." I believe forgiveness is possible but I realize we cannot literally erase parts of our memories. I choose the word "release" instead; I encourage you to stop actively remembering your abuse. What a freeing feeling it will be when you can live an entire day or week with little or no thought of the abuse of your past, not because you are denying or repressing, but because you are moving on, in wholeness.
~Facts verses feelings. Guilt and shame are the unpleasant, unwelcomed companions of most people who have been abused. We tend to think of guilt as an emotion: "I feel guilty." It can help to realize that a person is either guilty or not guilty, regardless of how they FEEL. How many criminals feel no remorse at all, yet that are actually guilty. A person who has suffered abuse is usually not responsible at all. The guilt they feel is inaccurate and misplaced. When you feel guilty, ask yourself, "Did I choose to do wrong?" If the answer is no, then you are not guilty and your emotions are lying to you. Predators are skilled at making their victims, especially children, believe that they are an active participate in the abuse. If you answered the above questions with uncertainty, it could be the result of an abuser's manipulation. Again, each situation is unique and it would be impossible to address every answer to the question of guilt in this article, but honestly and as unemotionally as possible look at events and see yourself as God see you, His beloved. Another distinction that was powerful to me was defining "innocence" verses "purity."
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
Isaiah 61:3
If you can liken abuse to a physical wound, imagine what happens when wounds are not treated properly. Wounds that are ignored or mishandled get worse, and the resulting complications can be devastating. Complications of abuse include distorted views of ourselves, and how we relate to the people around us. One major motivation of my desire to heal completely was the desire that I could form healthy, loving relationships in the future. The idea that my (future) spouse or children would be indirectly harmed from the abuse of my past lent an urgency and importance to allowing God's healing hand in every nook and cranny of my heart. The Lord can and will heal, from the actual abuse and from the complications that abuse has caused.
This brief article has barely touched the surface of this big, complex issue. I hope if you have realized you have unaddressed hurts from abuse in your life, you will be courageous and take the next step in surrendering your pain to the Lord. Share your burden with a godly counselor. In addition, a small, Biblically based book that specifically deals with sexual abuse, Beauty for Ashes by John Coblentz is a great tool.
We do not have to live in the bondage of fear, embarrassment, isolation, confusion or pain that abuse has placed on us. God is holding out His healing hand to you. Reach out to Him.
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
John 8:36
No comments:
Post a Comment