How Important Is Your Faith / Mrs Kim McCoy

Mrs Kim McCoy

Pastor's Wife

First Baptist Church of Urbandale

Des Moines, IA

                                                         How Important Is Your Faith?

Each Saturday morning we have an organized soul winning time at our church.  As you all know, Christmas Eve day was on Saturday this last year, and to be honest I was hoping my husband would cancel soul winning for that week.  Well, he didn’t do that.  When we arrived at the church that morning to meet with the other soul winners, it ended up being just our family and our Assistant pastor, so we headed out to an apartment complex to knock on doors.   I took our oldest daughter out with me and was trying to watch my attitude, as I still had some last minute Christmas shopping to do.  I didn’t really want to be out knocking doors.  I know, that is a horrible attitude, and I’m not proud of it.  
A girl, who is a senior in high school, answered the first door we knocked.  She was pregnant with her first child.  She was a very sweet girl; a girl who knew that she had messed up, and was searching for help.   I was able to present the gospel to her.  She did not receive Christ that day, but the seed had been sown. 
We continued on down the hallway and didn’t find anyone home until the last door we knocked.  A black man in his early 20’s answered the door.  We ended up talking to him for 30 minutes. This young man was also searching.  His mom took him to church when he was younger, but he had gotten out of church when he was a teenager.  He knew about God, but hadn’t received Him as his Saviour.  I was also able to give him the Gospel, but like the girl at the first door, he did not receive Christ.  As this young man talked, he told my daughter and me how he was searching out other religions and was watching people to see what their faith really meant to them; how important it was to them.  We finished talking to him and went our way.
As we left, I couldn’t get that thought out of my head.  “How important is my faith to me?”  Obviously, it must not have been very important to me that day if I wasn’t willing to go out and tell others about Christ.  Needless, to say, as I left the apartment complex that day I was very convicted and needed to ask forgiveness for my cold heart.  
I’ve thought about that statement so many times since that day.  I’ve asked myself many times since then, “What does my faith mean to me?” “How important is it to me?”  As Christians, it is so easy to do things in our own strength, to get busy and forget to share the gospel with others, to get discouraged when things aren’t going right, and to try and take things in our own hands when going through a trial instead of letting God work.  Here are some questions we might ask ourselves in order to help us analyze where we are in our faith. 
1. Does our faith mean enough to us to share it with others?  

2Corinthians 6:1 “We then, as workers together with him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.”  Paul is saying to the church in Corinth not to receive the grace of God in vain; in other words, when you get saved don’t live a vain (Fruitless; ineffectual) life.  As Christians we need to be producing fruit - other Christians.  The way for us to bear fruit is by abiding in Christ.  John 15:4-5 “Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.  I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”  

Abiding in Christ will allow us to have the power we need to witness to others.  We have to remember that we can’t do it in our own strength. 

America used to primarily be a Christian nation, but today it’s very different.  I don’t know how many doors I’ve knocked on where the person answering the door had never heard the gospel.  To me, this is very sad.  We as Christians have to be careful of getting too busy and focused on things that don’t really matter and neglect to tell others about Christ.  A couple things to help us in this matter:  1). Abide in Christ and 2). Meditate on and remember the day that you received Christ as your Saviour.  
If we stay excited about the work that God has done in our lives then we’ll want to share it with others.

2. Does our faith mean enough to us that our lives are reflecting Christ?

Matthew 5:16 “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”  
I know it’s not popular to live a separated life in this day and age, but we must not let society or the world dictate the way we live.  We must live our lives according to God’s Word.  Titus 2:11-15 “For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.  These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority.  Let no man despise thee.”  
God wants us to live separated lives - to deny ungodliness and the lusts of the world.  He wants us to live soberly (Without intemperate passion; coolly; calmly; moderately) and righteously. Yes, we have to live in this world, but we don’t have to live like the world.  
We never know who is watching us.  Just like the young man that I met that day while out soul winning, he was watching people to see how important their faith was to them.  When the people of the world see us, can they tell that there is something different?  I have 5 children and the three oldest work or have worked at a grocery store called Fareway.  Almost immediately, their co-workers knew they were Christians by the way they dressed, the way they talked, and by their spirit and attitude.  
Because of their example, they have had co-workers talk to them about God and about spiritual matters, and also they(co-workers) have been more careful about what they say and how they act around my children.  Now if my children had
talked bad, sang the same songs they sang (thank God they didn’t know them), and acted wrong, then they couldn’t have been that “light” God wants them to be.  
They were made fun of by some, and even though it hasn’t always been easy, I praise God that our children let their “light” shine to the world.
May we be reminded that once we accept Christ as our personal Saviour, this body is no longer ours, it belongs to Christ.  I Corinthians 6:19-20, “ What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?  For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”   It’s very important to be careful of our actions, our attitude, our dress, how we conduct ourselves, etc. so that the world may see Christ through us, and so that our “light” will shine.

3. Does our faith mean enough to us that we allow testing and trials in our lives?  

I’ve never met anyone who was overjoyed or happy about going through a trial or hard times.  I know I don’t sit there and think, “Wow, I really can’t wait to go through this trial, It’s going to be so exciting and awesome!”   No, I get a little scared, panic some, and pray “Lord, do I really have to go through this testing?”  Do you know though, according to 2Corinthians 6:4-5 we are to approve (okay them; assent unto) trials, afflictions, and testings in our lives?  
I recently did a Bible study with the ladies from our church on this passage, and was amazed at what I learned.  2 Corinthians 6:3-5 says, “Giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed:  But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses,  In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings;”  
There is not one thing on that list that sounds like fun!  But, if we want our faith to grow we have to go through trials.  Anyone that has ever done great things for God and has great faith did not get it by living an easy live.   No, they had to go through great trials and afflictions.   I love to read Hebrews 11, where the Bible listed the men and women who had great faith.  But as I read about the great
things they accomplished and the great faith they had, I also think about the trials they went through.  
Praise God for the Bible and the godly examples that he gives us to help us in our own lives!  The greatest example of all is our Lord Jesus Christ.  Think of how much suffering and persecution He went through and all because he loved us and wanted us to be able to have eternal life.  The least we can do is to allow or to “approve” the trials, testings, and hard times that come into our lives so that our faith may grow.  Phillipians 1:10 “That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ;”

When our faith grows, it pleases God, and it allows him to use us to do great things for him.  II Timothy 1:8,  “ Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;”
In closing, I want to say that I’m so glad that I went soul winning that day even though I didn’t want to.  Had I not, I would have never met that young man.  I was able to share the Gospel with him that day, and in turn, he provoked me with questions that I have thought about many time since then.  “How important is my Faith to me?”  “What does it really mean to me?”  

His Healing Hand / Mrs Kayte McCoy

Mrs Kayte McCoy

Pastor's Wife

Harts Hill Baptist Church

Whitesboro, NY

His Healing Hand

1 out of 5 girls. 1 out of 20 boys.*
These are the sad statistics regarding sexual abuse in America. 
I've chosen to address the woman who is burdened with abuse in her past, offering Biblical principles for embracing the Lord's healing. In a short article such as this, I could never fully cover the needs this subject presents, but my goal is to perhaps crack open the door to a long hidden, darkened corner of a fractured and wounded heart, or maybe help along the healing that has already begun, or to offer some tools to a lady ministering to another woman who is struggling with sexual abuse in her past. I am focusing my thoughts toward sexual abuse, but many of the after effects of abuse of other natures are similar. With that being said, we are each individuals, loved individually by a very personal God. I would strongly encourage any lady with abuse in her background to counsel on a one on one basis with a godly lady she can trust.
 By stretching forth thine hand to heal; and that signs and wonders may be 
done by the name of thy holy child Jesus.
Acts 4:30
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
Healing is available to all. God can heal any hurt. Nothing is too big or too hard for Him. His grace is greater than any sin- even those committed against you.
I have not quite figured out WHY, but we seem to have a hard time allowing God's healing to begin in our hearts. I am not sure if it is pride, or Satan's tricks at work to keep us bound up in shame and guilt and suffering. But I do know that there was a point when I had to reach a decision: God can heal and I will allow Him to do so. I believe II Corinthians 12:9 with all my heart and trust that God has exactly what I need to mend the broken pieces that abuse created.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
II Corinthians 12:9
I'm going to share some thoughts that have been very helpful to me, and I pray that they help others as well.
~Recognize and release your abuse. We all know that denial of a problem only makes it worse. If an abused person has never openly shared with a trusted friend or counselor, doing so can be incredibly helpful. The abuse is no longer a secret; it's a recognized fact. Repressing what we have experienced or how we feel about those experiences only prohibits healing. Those festering hurts result in bitterness, and result in many unhealthy coping mechanisms that can plague people for their entire lives. 
However, my experience has been that too much "recognition" of abuse can also hinder healing. Dwelling and reliving in our minds the events or circumstances of abuse is like ripping off the scab of a wound. Indulging thoughts of revenge, or "what ifs" are equally destructive. The abuse may have actually happened to the body, but the battle now is for the mind. 
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
II Corinthians 10:5
Releasing the pain of abuse starts with forgiveness. Forgiveness is not easy. Most of society seems to accept that some things are beyond forgiveness. I remember my pastor telling me that I needed to forgive my abuser and immediately I thought, "Impossible. Cannot be done." I wasn't trying to be stubborn. I really truly thought it was beyond human ability. And in a way, I was right. We will need to have the Lord's grace in abundance to forgive. Again, putting an end to the habit of dwelling in your mind will help with forgiveness. When my mind, by long habit, would go there, I would pray for my abuser. Forgiveness of big hurts can take some time, and can be something that needs to be revisited over the years but it is possible and completely vital to healing.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Matthew 5:44
A common phrase is "forgive and forget." I believe forgiveness is possible but I realize we cannot literally erase parts of our memories. I choose the word "release" instead; I encourage you to stop actively remembering your abuse. What a freeing feeling it will be when you can live an entire day or week with little or no thought of the abuse of your past, not because you are denying or repressing, but because you are moving on, in wholeness.
~Facts verses feelings. Guilt and shame are the unpleasant, unwelcomed companions of most people who have been abused. We tend to think of guilt as an emotion: "I feel guilty." It can help to realize that a person is either guilty or not guilty, regardless of how they FEEL. How many criminals feel no remorse at all, yet that are actually guilty. A person who has suffered abuse is usually not responsible at all. The guilt they feel is inaccurate and misplaced. When you feel guilty, ask yourself, "Did I choose to do wrong?" If the answer is no, then you are not guilty and your emotions are lying to you. Predators are skilled at making their victims, especially children, believe that they are an active participate in the abuse. If you answered the above questions with uncertainty, it could be the result of an abuser's manipulation. Again, each situation is unique and it would be impossible to address every answer to the question of guilt in this article, but honestly and as unemotionally as possible look at events and see yourself as God see you, His beloved. Another distinction that was powerful to me was  defining "innocence" verses "purity."  
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
Isaiah 61:3
If you can liken abuse to a physical wound, imagine what happens when wounds are not treated properly. Wounds that are ignored or mishandled get worse, and the resulting complications can be devastating. Complications of abuse include distorted views of ourselves, and how we relate to the people around us. One major motivation of my desire to heal completely was the desire that I could form healthy, loving relationships in the future. The idea that my (future) spouse or children would be indirectly harmed from the abuse of my past lent an urgency and importance to allowing God's healing hand in every nook and cranny of my heart. The Lord can and will heal, from the actual abuse and from the complications that abuse has caused.
This brief article has barely touched the surface of this big, complex issue. I hope if you have realized you have unaddressed hurts from abuse in your life, you will be courageous and take the next step in surrendering your pain to the Lord. Share your burden with a godly counselor.  In addition, a small, Biblically based book that specifically deals with sexual abuse, Beauty for Ashes by John Coblentz is a great tool.
We do not have to live in the bondage of fear, embarrassment, isolation, confusion or pain that abuse has placed on us. God is holding out His healing hand to you. Reach out to Him.
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
John 8:36

Real Expectations / Mrs Jami McConkey

Mrs Jami McConkey

Pastor's Wife

Maranatha Baptist Church

Jacksonville, NC

 Realistic Expectations   Are we content in our Christian life?  Or do we suffer from unrealistic expectation – itis???

CONTENTMENT, noun 1. Content; a resting or satisfaction of mind without disquiet; acquiescence. CONTENTMENT, without external honor, is humility. Godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6.

God wants us to live victorious and balanced Christian lives!  His desire for us is to not suffer heartache and trials due to our unrealistic expectations!  Often we set ourselves up for trouble when we expect something that is just not going play out like we imagined. 

-My husband was a youth pastor twice before God brought us here to Maranatha.  One “perk” was going to fun places on Senior trips!  When our firstborn, Jalyn, was around 8 months old she went with us to Niagara Falls, Canada with our youth group.  What fun we had!!!!   I had gone before when I traveled with a tour group from Hyles-Anderson.  It was amazing and just like I had remembered it!!!!!  The reality met or exceeded my expectations!  

Another trip we went to Washington DC.  That place is full of great things to see and explore... you could go on several trips and still see new things and visit places you had not been to on previous trips.  On this trip, we were able to get a tour of the White House!!!!!   We were so excited!!!  We went through all the hoops to get our names on the list and went through the various security check points the day of the tour.   We finally entered this famous and historic building and started the tour.  You know what?  I was not impressed!  We saw some rooms, but there wasn’t much in them… just a big room that we walked around the edges of.  Some rooms were roped off and could only be peeked at …but it was just not much of a WOW tour!!!  I wasn’t expecting to meet the President or First Lady… see history made right in front of my eyes… but whatever they were… my expectations were NOT met!!!!   I did not let that ruin the trip...but it’s a great example of reality not meeting up with our expectations! 

What are some areas in our lives that can have “Unrealistic expectations?  --
 -Where we live -Family relationships/ parents & siblings
-Spouse relationship -In Law relationships -Children/Parenting -Friend/family relationships -Our Bodies
-Possesions

Below are a few thoughts on some areas of our lives that we often have unrealistic expectations!  For time’s sake, I have thought out just a few!  We could add more and keep going on and on!   Our homes -what our parents have now… is not what they started with…  they call them starter homes for a reason!  God provided us with a couch at every home we have lived in… including the encyclopedia to be used as the 4th leg!  They weren’t always the new trend or fancy, but God provided seating for our home!   We have had a red, blue, green plaid couch set, a light blue tweed sleeper sofa, an orange tweed sleeper sofa (that was not as ugly as it sounded!)  and lastly a cat’s former home… because the arms were all scratched up!  A few years ago, my husband called me out to the store and gave the option to pick my Christmas gift- an upgraded wedding band… or a couch, love seat & recliner set… how cruel to make me choose!!!!   I looked at the diamond band that I had wanted for 10 years… and then I looked at the furniture store.  In case you haven’t been to our home, I chose the new furniture!  I laugh and say it only took 10 years of marriage! When I watch couples on house hunters and other home decorating shows; I am amazed at the “wish list” that is more of a “demand list” for a young couple with no kids and just getting married!  It’s crazy how our focus becomes on having the biggest and best no matter what strain it puts on reality of paying those bills!!!    All that knit picking and having everything at such a high level so early… really takes the fun out of seeing God provide for your needs!!!!   Our first 10 years of marriage was no sad pity party because our couch wasn’t brand new or fancy!  We never shed a tear, but rather praised God for another home to move into… AND another couch from a new friend!!!!    Our husbands-  God made him, his mom and dad raised him, you met and fell in love with him!  enjoy that gift!!!!  Rather than try to change him or improve him to your standard… pray for God to help you be the wife he needs you to be!  THAT will change your marriage!!!!    Keep your heart pumping for him and him alone!!!!  Who cares if he leaves the toilet seat up, leaves shoes out and any other “annoying” traits he may have.  REMEMBER THIS- there is a widow somewhere who would give her right arm to have those shoes left out, and that stupid toilet seat up!!!!  There is a military wife somewhere who would gladly have her husband home each night… so enjoy every “wife” chore you have!  <<we’ll look back someday and laugh at the young self who complains about picking up dirty socks!   ((How to keep that fire going???? Don’t focus on the dirty socks… think about his kisses... his arms around you and all those fun times that follow!  - to keep a fire you must kindle it!)))  << that another devotion! xoxo
  Issues and situations come up… I am no expert or have all the answers for each trial we may face.  I can only vouch for the 12-year club, others can vouch for the 20+ club… you don’t get there without WORK!!!!  What a precious gift we pass on to our children…. The gift of a loving home with a mom and dad who work at their marriage and keep the home together!   As a child of multiple divorces from both parents…. IT IS WORTH IT!!!!! 
Comparison is the thief of JOY!    
Our children When new babies come into our home- it’s a full-time job!  It can be hard to keep that balance of a sane lady and the frazzled, sleep deprived new mom!  How can you keep calm when you have a newborn?  Keep your eyes on Jesus!  You are operating with a new normal… say “see ya later” to the old normal!  Its gone sister!  The joys of motherhood are numerous… and so are the “new” things you get to figure out!  By keeping your center focus on Jesus.. keep reading your Bible… have it read to you will be helpful now (Bible apps are great for those alone times with baby!)  keep praying! -so glad that God’s line is never busy or closed for maintenance... .so those 3am feedings are a GREAT time to talk to your Jesus!!!!  By striving to get as much church time as you can… keeps you feeling like a normal human… even if your milk comes in...--right in the middle of a service- the child will not starve and you will get to finish a service which has now become an Olympic feat!!!!   Only from personal experience can I say that you are the mom and you help guide your babies feeding patterns- its worth the effort to get back into church!   Children also grow and progress differently!  Don’t let little johnny walking at 10 months discourage you if your baby is still loving his/her belly rolling or scooting around!  Milestones are just simple suggestions!  Enjoy each stage and milestone and enjoy the simple progress that children 

Our bodies Yes I said it… being content with how God made you … both fearfully and wonderfully made… He did not make a mistake!  New babies do a lot of changing do the mommies body… still fearfully and wonderfully made!  I don’t believe in “just not caring” or “letting yourself go”,  but don’t be ashamed of the fact that you have a newborn baby… and the jelly belly to prove it!!!!   Work towards realistic goals… only folks with personal trainers and lots of money and previously photoshopped pictures of themselves… are able to get back to that old body in 6 weeks!  Enjoy that baby and all the “newness” of the new baby body you have now!  

Comparing your body to another woman’s body= pointless!  God blessed us all differently… and in so many ways!  Each of us should thank HIM for making You- YOU!!!!  Be the best YOU that YOU can be!!!!

Psalm 139:14
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

Our jobs Each family is different with jobs outside the home and jobs inside the home.  Right now our “chore wheel” is the most diverse it has been in all of our 12.5 years of marriage!!!!  We are a team!  For me to be at the church working on a variety of tasks… I am not home like I would like to be or sometimes need to be!  My husband and children help with many of the household duties to make it all come together for our “family ministry”!   If I see someone else staying home more I can get out of focus… fast!   Likewise, if we hear of a husband doing more housework than ours… we can get jealous of that home and not even know why it’s like that!  Once during a “newlywed game” a couple stunned us with their answer a standard question of “How much housework does your husband do?” Everyone else’s answers were 20% or less. This lady’s answer- 75%!!!!!   SAY WHAT!!!!!!  <<<< she had had back cancer so he worked a full-time job but did the things she couldn’t physically do!    IT’S A BEAUTIFUL THING----PERSPECTIVE!!!

Our role in the current chapter of life… 

We all wear different hats… many hats each day!  Some of us are excellent at hat stacking!!!!   I think the devil uses this to get us discouraged.  My dentist is a great lady.  She made a statement that she was behind in her life goals… she has a very successful practice, has opened a 2nd location in Wilmington… but in her heart of hearts, she thought she would be a bit further along her career goal line at this point in life.  She has two choices at the juncture in life-  she can get discouraged, slow down, just be ok with where she is now and not concerned about future growth career wise… OR She can use this reflection as motivation… not necessarily re-evaluate as in throw out the plan she set for herself years ago… but she can take the experience she has learned over the past years and apply that as to how to most effectively achieve her goals!  -not goal torching… but a mere adjustment in the sails!!    Where are you at in life?  Many of you did not plan on a military life… but God led you to a man who has your heart… and where he goes you will follow!  There’s great character in living that way!  You get to pass down life experiences and life lessons to your children that others don’t get!  - all of them… good, bad…. And other!


Possessions.  In life, we have stuff.  But we all need to keep our stuff in perspective!  Sometimes God takes things away from us to get us back into perspective!  I don’t want to get materialistic minded and loose the focus of where God has me!  There are lots of “clothing” pieces that I would like to have…but do I HAVE TO HAVE THEM????   Of course!!!  Lol!  Not really!  I need to be content with what I have and make it look the best with what God has blessed me with!   Now I am all about looking nice and put together… love me some modern modesty…. But it can become my obsession with me buying something because I see someone else wearing it and think I
HAVE TO HAVE IT….NOW!!!!!!    a verse that I often find myself saying… I use this verse for myself, my kids- often!  To refocus us on what is really important!

Philippians 4:11
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.


Lastly, there is one area that being “just content with” is not ok…. Our Christian walk!!!!!   We all have come to a point where we realized that we are sinner, in need of a perfect Jesus to pay the price for our sins.  But we never “arrive” at the perfection point in this life!  ((That’s what those who are trusting in good works are working towards!!!))    Each day we much keep our hope in Jesus!  Our Bible reading and prayer is what keeps the communication lines open and clear!  Church attendance helps with fellowship and encouragement from our sister friends and church family ---or it should!  
If you find yourself just going through the motions… spend some time in prayer, go to the altar during invitation and ask God to show you how to have victory in your life!   He saved us to use us for His glory… not to be a “pretty” up on the shelf!  - or miserable because of something we used to do and “can’t anymore!”      If you are like me, it is not always “easy” to keep up all the things you need to keep up with!  For someone who often says I’m not a hat person… I have many hats to wear!  Being content with my home, family, possessions, job, etc… is a balancing act that I will lose along with any sanity I have left IF I don’t get my power from HIM!!!!   To borrow are phrase from a favorite song- I’m not discouraged, I’ve Heaven bound!
My prayer is that we allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us…work on those areas or others that came to your mind while reading… where we may need some perspective and growth to keep on keeping on for HIM!!! Love and prayers for you! Jami McConkey Job 23:10 

Keeping the Romance Alive / Mrs Laurie Loveless

Mrs Laurie Loveless

Pastor's Wife

Harvest Baptist Church

Bloomsdale, MO

KEEPING THE ROMANCE ALIVE

Good Morning!! I don’t know most of you but I bet I can name one thing we all have in common! We are busy!!!    However, even in our busyness we have a priority list which is unconditional. In other words, no matter how busy we are there are “things” that God expects us to keep in proper perspective without excuse. The first one is our relationship with Him. If we keep that in order, He will help us with the other priorities in our life. 
     Today, though, I want to talk about our part in our second priority. What is it that God wants us to be working on-humanly speaking above all other “things”???  It is our relationship with our husband.  Genesis 2:18 tells us that God made a help meet for Adam. That means he made a helper suitable for Adam. Ladies, we are the helper suitable for our husbands. We have a job that no one else on this earth is designed to do!  I Corinthians 11:9 says the man was not created for the woman but the woman for the man. 
     About 8 years ago, I listened to a message on an old cassette tape. The message was given by a husband and wife to an audience of couples. The message was soooooo convicting but sooooo good!! Ever since that time I have not been able to find that tape anywhere even though I have looked high and low!!! Sadly, I don’t even know the names of the couple to give them credit.  
     In this message, they gave 23 excellent points that I am going to share with you today from my notes on that message. As you read them, pray over them, ask the Lord to show you what you need to work on. Share them with your husband, talk about them together. Maybe you aren’t married yet, these are still appropriate to tuck away for the future. Maybe you are an older single person for whatever reason, you can help a married lady keep her marriage a priority by offering to babysit, making a meal: whatever, the Lord will give you ideas if you ask Him. 
     The point of this couple’s message was KEEPING THE ROMANCE ALIVE. Their motto was “Lovers Always”. Satan wants our marriage to cool and decline. God DOES NOT. Take the time to read Ecclesiastes 9:9. Ladies, we have the responsibility to see that living with us is joyful and not a drudgery.
1. Remember, love looks beyond the flaws and weaknesses and sees the beauty and strength. Daily we have a choice; we can concentrate on the things that irritate and frustrate or we can forgive and concentrate on the positive qualities. 

2. Remember, men and women’s brains are wired differently. Men operate specifically; their brain hemispheres work independently of each other so that they can focus on one thing at a time. Women, on the other hand, operate holistically using both hemispheres at the same time. We tend to be tuned into all that is happening. This enables us to notice people and their feelings and what is going on everywhere. However, the down side to this is that little things rise-up as mountains for the wife.

3. Think attentively about the needs of your spouse. Genesis 2:18; Ephesians 5:22-33 Bill Rice said he never wanted to stop courting his wife. He also said, “I don’t want a cornbread and beans existence; I want to make our marriage a continual banquet.” (Keep in mind a beautiful banquet takes a lot of hard work and prayer to make it happen whereas a cornbread and beans meal is easy.) Titus 2:4 We should have “sweetheart” love all our lives.

4. Communicate constantly. Ephesians 4:25-32 

5. Listen Actively. James 1:19. It is not pleasant to talk to someone who is only half listening.

6. Be improving constantly. This helps us to avoid being the haggard housewife.  Work on your words-Proverbs 16:21 & 24, 21:19, 27:15; Use basic self-discipline. I Corinthians 9:27; Overcome
annoying habits and weaknesses. James 4:17 & Keep yourself in a pretty package. Proverbs 31:22.

7. Rest & Exercise sufficiently

8. Anticipate eagerly. Look forward to being together. Martin Luther said, “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him go.”

9. Give willingly, unselfishly. Philippians 2:4 Ourselves, time, attention, approval, interests, affection, compliments

10. Plan cooperatively. Mesh your schedules.

11. Treat graciously. Proverbs 31:26

12. Adore openly with sincere admiration. Ephesians 5:33. Our men hunger for our sincere admiration; we need to respect his personality and his talent. We need to make “goo goo” eyes at him.

13. Touch tenderly. I Corinthians 7:3-4; Proverbs 5:19; 31:11-12

14. Share intimately. The previous points verses plus Hebrews 13:4

15. Apologize quickly. Ephesians 4:26-27

16. Compliment sincerely. Matthew 7:12

17. Brighten visibly. Matthew 7:12. Light up when he comes into the room; be sparkling. These are traits that will be like magnets drawing your husband to you. Make your whole personality brighten—your expression, your eyes, your smile. He will be attracted or repelled by your countenance. 

18. Laugh jointly. Ecclesiastes 9:9; Proverbs 15:13 & 15; 17:22. Understand his need to relax, laugh and play. He needs his wife to tease and play, who will be a little silly.

19. Remember Happily the special times. This means we should take every opportunity to make memories!!

20. Appreciate verbally.

21. Demonstrate imaginatively. Notes, special meals, favors….

22. Prepare creatively. Give attention to the atmosphere. Breaking up the daily routine of marriage with periodic surprises. Creatively giving thought to what you can do to add spice!!

23. Encourage positively. This is different from praise. This says, “I believe in you.” “I love being with you. “ “I am so proud of you.” “I am behind you.”

I know this is A LOT!! May I suggest, pick something you need to work on and start there. Baby steps. Don’t give up. Keep trying. The rewards will be well worth it. 
And I close with this: Mamie Eisenhower, the wife of former President Dwight D. Eisenhower is quoted as proudly proclaiming, “Ike was my career.” Now, I don’t know if she was a Christian but what a God honoring statement for those of us who are saved to be able to proclaim, but not only to proclaim, but also, to live that our husband IS our career. As wives, we are on assignment from God!!