Get in the Ash Heap / Mrs Amy Vassak

Mrs Amy Vassak

Pastor's Wife

Northeast Baptist Church

Danbury, CT

 

Get in the Ash Heap

For most of us who are married, we view our husbands as our rock, our stability, and what keeps us together in this crazy world.  There are occasions, however, when this stability is taken from us.  It could be a calamity caused by God, or a collapse caused by sin.  In either case, we as wives must be prepared to handle those times when necessary.  It is some of the most difficult waters a wife could ever navigate.

Four years ago, my husband stepped on a sea urchin in the ocean in Narragansett, RI.  The creature left bacteria on the bone of my husband’s left foot.  His bone became infected and soon my husband was fighting for his life.  In order to try and spare his life, nearly half of his left foot was amputated.  

In the days preceding the amputation, we were instructed to soak his foot in a solution of peroxide and water.  We did this two times a day for twenty minutes.  The liquid would immediately begin to bubble from the infection.  On one occasion late at night, I tripped while trying to pick up the container we were using.  The tub flew into the air and almost all of that disgusting liquid fell on me.  I had hurt my leg in the process and really couldn’t move.  I slammed my hand on the floor and said, “Really God?!”  My husband was so weak he couldn’t move, but wanted me to come to him so he could comfort me.  He had been completely bed ridden for a couple of days by that point.

I crawled over to where he was, and he threw a blanket around me.  We stayed there for a while, just sobbing together.  It was a definite low point for me.  I was scared.  All of a sudden, I heard a voice speak to me in my heart.  The voice said, “Now you’re where I want you.  Your husband is in his ash heap.  He feels weak.  I want you to know what that feels like so you will stay there with him.” I recognized the voice of God immediately, and I knew what He meant.  This was my husband’s trial.  But, it wasn’t his alone. It was my trial, too.

The Bible gives us many details about the trial Job endured.  One of the glaring details God reveals is that Job’s wife felt that what Job was enduring personally, had very little to do with her.  I’m slow to criticize Job’s wife because she endured so much heartache and loss.  But, the Bible gives us the details it does so we can learn from them.  Job 2:7-9 says, “So went Satan forth from the presence of the Lord, and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown. And he took him a potsherd to scrape himself withal: and he sat down among the ashes.  Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God, and die.” Job’s wife viewed him as “alone” in his ash heap. It was not “theirs.” It was “his.”

What can you do to stay in the ash heap with your husband?

1- Get as strong as you can spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

My husband is my spiritual leader, but there were a few days when he couldn’t give me spiritual perspective.  My husband is emotionally solid, but he was emotionally raw and spent during that time.  My husband is brilliant, but was incapable of making decisions before his surgery.  My husband was Superman, and was rarely ill, but now he was on the verge of going to Heaven.  I had to be strong for him.  It was my turn.  

2- Get in the ash heap.

The Bible almost gives us the feeling that Job’s wife paused long enough to speak her mind, and after Job spoke his, she just walked on by.  I wonder what would’ve happened if Mrs. Job had sat down, picked up a piece of potsherd and gave him some relief?  We’ll never know, but we do know that there is no more mention of her while Job’s friends were there.  Perhaps if they had seen her helping Job, they wouldn’t have had the courage to do what they did.

3- Be encouraging.

Telling your husband things like, “You probably deserve what’s happening,” or “You can’t possibly still believe God after everything that’s happened!” is not productive for him, but it isn’t productive for you, either.   When you say something, you’ve already thought it.  Negative thoughts can stay in and go away.  Negative words are forever.

4- Don’t give in to negative emotions.

Negative emotions lead to “poor me” thoughts.  When a wife begins to feel sorry for herself, she will say and do almost anything to feel better.  I can guarantee you that Job’s wife felt better for the first five minutes after she told Job to curse God and die.  She had finally given in to the emotions that had flooded her heart in a destructive way, and she was soothed for a short time.  It probably didn’t take her too long to realize the damage she had caused, and the guilt that followed must have been dreadful.

5- Listen to the Holy Spirit.

Prayer is key to handling the ash heap.  You won’t make it without a constant line of communication with your Comforter.  He will speak to you in ways that can’t be predicted.  He will give you what you need when you need it.  You will have wisdom and strength beyond your capabilities.  Connect with Him often.

In some ways, my husband is still in the ash heap.  He will wear a walking boot and deal with pressure point wounds for the rest of his life.  But, He doesn’t have to worry.  He has God.  He also has me sitting right in there with him, holding a piece of potsherd, telling him we can make it.