Be a REAL friend to YOUR Pastor's Wife

Before you read this and think "Well the PW just needs to learn to be content with what she has, quit whining around and lean on the Lord for her needs." That may be true. She knows "there is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother..." But don't YOU love having a physical friend? She is no different. Yes her husband should be her "bestest" friend and 9 times out of 10 he is. But that "man card" is a hard thing to crack! She can only endure so many football games and shooting sessions at the range he'll only watch so many chick flicks with her. But to talk about recipes or share childbirth stories or menopause tips.... yeah..... that's where he usually jumps ship! That's OK! I believe that's why we are instructed in Titus 2:3 to be "teachers of good things." That only happens when we get together with other women. Your PW has lots of good wisdom to share with you but you'll never benefit from it unless you take some time to get to know her and be a friend.
PW are some of the most selfless women I have ever met. Don't get me wrong, I know some of them can be pure monsters too. I believe the soured ones have usually suffered a great amount of hurt and criticism and many times, if that hurt hasn't been properly dealt with through God's Word, it turns into bitterness. If this is the case with your pastor's wife, she needs you more than ever to love on her and pray for her!
Some pastor's wives that I've met seem well loved and cared for (PTL) while others seem just plain forgotten about. You see it not only in their clothing, shoes, purses, hair, but in their demeanor, even their slumped posture shouts out loud that they need a FRIEND! Your pastor's wife doesn't require a fan club clamoring at her feet. All she needs is ONE lady to be a REAL friend to her.
BE A FRIEND TO YOUR PASTOR'S WIFE
1. Find out what her prayer needs are and PRAY FOR HER. Then tell her so. Do it face to face, in a hand written note, a Good morning text, etc...
2. TALK TO HER. Include her in your group conversations at church. Don't make her feel as if she's intruding if she walks over to be near your group. Some PW are a bit introverted & it wouldn't occur to them to intrude on a conversation. If you see her near a group you are in, extend your arm to welcome her into your conversation. This is just common courtesy and good manners.
3. ENCOURAGE HER. Jot her a note or card & drop it in the mail. Send her a random text to tell her you love & appreciate her. Leave her little notes or gifts on her desk at church. Give her a gift card for no reason. It doesn't have to be huge. Even a $10 gift card to her favorite coffee shop would let her know someone is thinking just of her. How are her shoes or purse? Is she long overdue for something nice & new (for no other reason than that you love her)? Is payless having a BOGO sale - why not consider your PW? Maybe she would enjoy a cute little seasonal decoration.
4. BE A FRIEND TO HER. Everyone knows the Pastors favorite pie. But have you ever asked what his wife's favorite pie is? Do you know her favorite color, perfume, clothes shopping place, restaurant, etc... Do you know what her hobbies are? Does she collect anything? What theme does she have her home decorated in? What kind of books does she like to read? What's her favorite kind of music? Being a friend to someone means truly knowing that person. If I was a betting woman, I'd bet that she knows far more about you than you do about her.
5. HELP EASE HER FINANCIAL BURDEN. Did you find a great sale at the store? Why not buy 2 & bless your PW w/ the other one. Do you have a garden? Why don't you assemble a cute basket of fresh garden veggies & present it to her? Do you have fruit trees or fruit plants in your garden? I'll bet she would just love a batch of fresh fruit to make a yummy dessert or perhaps some jam. Did you do a bunch of canning this Summer? Share some of your bounty w/ her. Do you have kids that have outgrown clothes or toys? Don't just cart them to Goodwill. If they are still in decent condition, see if your PW could use them first.
6. SPEND TIME WITH HER. Take her out for lunch and a stroll through Hobby Lobby when they are having their 75% off sales! What PW doesn't love Hobby Lobby?! Take her out for a fresh hair cut. Or a mani-pedi. This may be a bit of a challenge if one or both of you have little ones, are homeschooling children or work a secular job. But the benefits are worth the effort. Maybe try a Sat afternoon. Even just out for her favorite coffee would be a blessing.
7. REMEMBER HER. Remember special days in her life: her birthday, wedding anniversary, church anniversary, her spiritual birthday.
8. CARE FOR HER. When she is sick, hurting, grieving. Now is the time to return some of the kindness you have seen her give when you or others are sick, hurt or grieving. Make a pot of homemade soup, add a loaf of crusty bread, some yummy muffins, her favorite magazine & a cute pair of socks or slippers. Assemble it all in a cute care basket & deliver it to her. Watch her eyes light up.
9. RESPECT HER. Treat her w/ fairness. Always remember she is your Pastor's wife. Be mindful of her. She is the fuel & spark in your pastors tank. Even though she is happy for her husband when you do kind things for him, she may be dying inside for want of a true friend or just someone to be an encouragement to HER. If you do something special for your Pastor, please don't leave his wife out. They are a team.
10. I know many will disagree with this next one and think it was out of insecurity that I chose to include it, but that is not the case. It is simply because I have seen first hand in several ministries what can happen when a woman and her Pastor choose to carry on w/ texting conversations that nobody can see or hear. BE APPROPRIATE. Especially in this "techy" age. Just because you have the pastors (her husbands) cell number, because he chooses to publish it, doesn't mean that you have the right to text him just for fun. He may be your fun loving pastor, but he is her husband. If she wouldn't think to sit around texting your husband funny pictures and sayings, you shouldn't either. No woman has the right to text a married man. Especially her pastor! It is inappropriate. It opens the door for Satan to get a foothold. If you have an emergency a phone call is appropriate. Or if it can wait, you could talk to him WITH his wife after the next church service.
11. BE PATIENT WITH HER. Remember she is made of the same flesh you are. She battles the same emotions, hormones, etc, that you do. She may have suffered hurt that you don't realize. But she has to keep up a strong facade because she is the PW.
13. DON'T PLACE EXPECTATIONS ON HER. Not every PW plays the piano or sings. Not every PW knows how to cook or entertain like Martha Stewart. Not every PW is the life of the party. Not every PW has a perfect marriage, perfect children, perfect home, perfect life.
14. BE A HELP TO HER. If your church is hosting a fellowship, a missions conference, a visiting missionary or evangelist family, and your PW is busy trying to provide for needs (groceries, meals, gift baskets, laundry, etc) come along side her and offer to help. Don't make her beg for help. Be sensitive to her work load concerning church activities and lend a hand.
15. SUPPORT HER. When she plans ladies meetings, outings, retreats, Bible studies, bridal or baby showers, etc... Support her by taking part in it. She doesn't have to take the time to plan things, but she does it for you.
16. LOVE HER. In spite of all else, just LOVE HER!
PW are as diverse as the stars in Heaven.
They are tall / short, thin / fluffy, funny / serious, outgoing / introverted, loud / quiet.
Each one is unique in her own way and has special qualities that may lay hidden just beneath the surface. If you want to see your PW come alive w/ a new vigor, a new smile, a fresh outlook on life and ministry, then just try making her feel loved. TRY being a REAL friend to her. A friend who cares, loves, prays for, encourages, helps and supports her.