Bear Ye One Another's Burdens / Mrs Virginia Harris

Mrs Virginia Harris

Pastor's Wife

Beacon Baptist Church

Welland, Ontario

Bear Ye One Another's Burdens

"Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Last week, our 14-year-old daughter, Victoria, was at a youth activity located at an indoor trampoline park. As the teens were playing, jumping around in the various area of the park, Victoria jumped and came down wrong on her knee. She felt her knee pop and pain shot through her leg. Her friends all came over to see if she was ok. The next morning, the doctor told her that nothing was broken and that he wasn't able to say if anything was torn due to the severe pain and swelling. The doctor said that the swelling in her knee was a natural splint.

My first thought was how this was just one more example of how amazing our Creator is. Our bodies are designed on such a way that everything reacts to a trauma in a way that is helpful. As much as I don't enjoy pain, imagine what terrible damage we could unwittingly inflict upon ourselves if it wasn't for pain. When we touch a hot dish just out of the oven, we feel pain and pull away our hand. We could receive a much deeper degree of burn if it wasn't for that warning pain of HOT!
My second thought was that we - the body of Christ - should imitate our physical bodies in the rushing of aid to a member of the body that is hurting. It should be an automatic reaction. We can be there for support and encouragement. Immediate attention to that member who is suffering can aid in the healing process.

"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

Daddy's Girl / Mrs Loretta Walker

Mrs Loretta Walker

Editor of Christian Womanhood

Daddy's Girl

Abandonment is a voluntary rejection.  The person willingly forsook you.  I was seven years old when my father moved out of our home and my life.  He would drift in once and a while but never really made me feel like he cared about me as his daughter.  I guess you could say we never connected.

At the time he left, we had a nice home (by the standards of the times).  My Mom was running a room and board for the elderly and he was an over-the-road truck driver.  In my young mind, it seemed like we were rich.  I remember asking and dreaming of a swimming pool.  I guess back then that was a true sign of wealth in West Virginia.  

After my Dad left, we had some extenuating circumstances occur that cost us our home and literally my Mom, brother and I were homeless for three years.  Dad was never there for us (more details are available in my book, “Invisible Hurts”).  This compounded my feelings of hurt from this man whom I called Dad.  Over and over I had dreams of his return and the pool in our back yard (a sign that all was well) in my childish mind.

Fast forward to when I was nineteen years old and a Sophomore in Bible College.  Pastor Jack Hyles was preaching a series on Sunday morning about the Love of God.  I still remember sitting there overwhelmed by his words.  This was the first time I really noticed the verse, Ps 27:10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.  I thought, “God will be my father”.  

What does a girl do that had never had a father?  I had watched my roommate in college call her Dad and talk to him about everything.  I was amazed and more than a little jealous that she had someone to whom she could run.  They seemed so very close.  I decided right then and there that I would be close to my heavenly Father.  Ps 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.

By the way, I have great news for all of us out there that have faced some sort of abandonment.  There is great peace in realizing that the God of the universe is only a prayer away as far as my talking to Him and only a book away as far as my hearing from Him.  God will never abandon you:   Heb 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee , nor forsake thee. Isa 41:17 When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the LORD will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them.

I suddenly began talking to God about everything.  If a girl hurt my feelings walking down the college hallway, I’d talk to Him.  If a family member made me feel stupid, I would talk to Him.  If one of my bus kids disappointed me, I’d complain to Him.  I drew great comfort in realizing that He heard every word I said.  Then I would read the Bible and verses would pop out at me to teach me how to handle those indiscretions.  This is how it has been for years.  That is the only way I can describe this heavenly Father/daughter relationship.    
In all my younger years, I wanted to be a Daddy’s girl.  I began that journey over 40 years ago and still find I enjoy my relationship with my heavenly father.    Dear reader I implore you to overcome that feeling of abandonment by trusting in the One who will always be there for you.  Start today to have a daily Bible reading time and talk to God all the time when you are happy or sad.  He is really the only one who can take it.  Ps 147:5 Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.

Eight Ways that we Forfeit God's Peace / Mrs Angee England

Mrs Angee England

Pastor's Wife

Choice Hills Baptist Church

Pahrump, NV

I would like to share a devotion with you that God gave me last year when I was struggling with HIS peace in my life.   It is derived from Elizabeth Elliot.

                Eight Ways That We Forfeit God's Peace

1. Resent God's Ways - I was resenting what God had done, and was doing in my life.  I questioned God.  I complained and murmured over everything that was happening in my life.  I often felt like the children of Israel, when they complained to God about bringing them out of Egypt. Not only was I complaining to God, but to my family as well, especially my husband.  It was affecting everything and everyone in my life.  The Lord does not take murmuring and complaining lightly, and we are commanded to do ALL things without murmurings ,and disputings: (Phil. 2:14)  I had to be reminded that God's ways and thoughts are not ours. (Isaiah 55:8&9)  His timing is perfect, and as His children He has in mind what is best for us.  My husband always says that, " God is never too late, never too early, but ALWAYS on time.  Don't forfeit God's Peace in your life by resenting what He is trying to do in your life.

2.  Worry - It's easy to say " don't worry" , but harder to do.  I come from a family of worriers!  My mom taught us well to worry. ( which she isn't proud of)  God tells us not to worry, and to consider the lilies. ( Mt. 6:28-33)  I worry about what we do, what we don't do.  What could happen, and things that may never happen. Worry will always rob us of our peace.  Worry never changes anything, but rather makes things worse.. Understand that God truly loves us more than we can comprehend, and He's in control. A friend of mine once said, 

       "  If your gonna worry, don't pray,  If you pray, don't worry"    

.  Don't worry and pray.  It will rob you of your peace every time.  Jesus cares about every detail of our life.

3.  Only pray about those things that you can't handle -   If there is one thing that I am learning is that I can't handle anything on my own.  Even what we think is the simple things in life, needs to be talk to, to Our Lord. (Phil. 4:6-7)

4.  Refuse to accept the things that God does -  God will give us trials to strengthen us.  He will allow strife to come into our lives to teach us.  He will bring us to our knees when we defy him and He takes us through things that are out of our control, to teach us "WHO" is in control.  So in all of these things, times, or seasons that we go through we must accept what it is that He is doing in our life.  (Matt. 11:29-30) 

5.  Looking to others first for answers instead of God -  It is so easy sometimes to pick up the phone and cry out to a friend or family member for answers before we even go to God.  Although God does say it is good to seek Godly counsel, we need to go to Him first and let Him direct our ways.  Jeremiah 17:5

6.  Doubt God's Word - We doubt that God will do what He says in His word for us.  He will do it for others, but we often doubt that He will do it for me. (Prov.3:5&6)  Don't forfeit God's peace in your life because you are doubting Him.

7.  Rule our own lives - We forfeit our peace by thinking that we know what is best for us -  I have often done this with medication!  I think that I don't need this, or the amount that is prescribed to me.  I try to rule, instead of obeying what God has told me to do.  Jesus needs to be the one who rules everything in our life.

8.  Carry all our burdens ourselves-  We often think we don't need to give them to The Lord, or we give it to Him and take it back.  We recently had a missionary come to our church that preached on comfort and he said that everyone has a story, and we need to use our story to help others! So cast your burdens on Jesus and let Him direct you to who needs your help or who you can help.  I Peter 5:7

Jesus was a man of great peace. He remained silent before accusers, and He was gentle with sinners.  He even ask God to forgive those who put Him to death.  As Christians we have the same capability to have that same peace.  Let the peace of God rule in your heart, by not forfeiting His peace. Col.3:5

Choose Joy! / Mrs Joanna Laughbaum

Mrs Joanna Laughbaum

Youth Pastor's Wife / Christian School Teacher

Lafayette Bible Baptist Church

Wildwood, MO

 CHOOSE JOY

          I have to confess…...I do not like February.  It can be a cold, lonely, and depressing time of year.  For singles, it is an in-your-face reminder that you’re, well...single.  Valentine’s Banquets are scheduled, commercials flash glittering jewels, and Cupid threw up pink and red hearts over every square inch of stores.  (Even elementary kids are pressured by Valentine’s Day!)  It is impossible to ignore the fact that there is no one to lavish you with candy hearts, flowers, and teddy bears.  Instead, you find yourself ducking around corners at church while desperately trying not to make eye contact with anyone to avoid “diaper duty” in the nursery on banquet night.  Or worse, hiding from the weird guy at college that you just ​ know ​ is trying to ask you for a date.  (By the way, college girls, DO NOT give mercy dates!  You are under no obligation to say yes, just because someone asked you!  It’s more cruel to give false hope than it is to say no.)  (If you’re a teenager, you’re ​ supposed​ to be single…….you are a ​ teenager.)
          ​
For couples, unrealistic expectations driven by commercialism (It’s sooo not our fault!)  can be killer.  Fantasies of being escorted by mustached limo drivers to exclusive French candlelight dinners followed by glittering gifts measured in carats and exotic roses picked by monks on alpine slopes distract us from reality.  (Cardboard pizza on a paper plate, dear?)   For widows, sweet memories bring a renewed sense of loss and loneliness.  Silent grief is harder to deal with than shared grief.   For moms, cold weather brings out the stir crazy (and the  STOMACH FLU!!!) in kids.  Antziness, antagonism, and static electricity fill the air……..”Mom!”, ZAP!, “MOMMMMM!” (PUKE!)             For students, Christmas is over and the only thing to look forward to until spring break are exams and science projects.  I hate to break their hearts, but…...Contrary to common kid logic, staring at the cover of a book ​ will not​ cause the facts found inside to magically
appear in the brain.  It just seems that all the negative stuff finds its way into February!

           But, perhaps, you may be one that is blessed with “the glass is half full” personality that loves dry skin and frizzy hair.  Random shocks of electricity don’t bother you and the wonder of snow, ice, and rock salt all over the floor never leaves you.  Maybe you don’t mind watching other people’s whiny children in a small room while said parents ignore how late it’s getting.  Perhaps you love every minute of February.  Then you may not need this little article.  But, for the rest of us, a few encouraging words along with a cup of hot chocolate (heavy on the whipped cream) may be just the thing we need.

           We know that Proverbs says a merry heart doeth good like a medicine.  But sometimes it feels impossible to have a merry heart, when your heart hurts.  All you ​feel​
 like doing is locking the door, shutting off (or throwing) your phone, and binge eating ice cream while watching sappy movies with a dozen boxes of kleenex.  But there IS hope!  You can survive the month of February! If you are a Christian, you have access to a supernatural power. (Think electrical outlet)  This power can enable you to have joy…...in spite of the most heart wrenching, or normal, every day, circumstances.   You just have to plug yourself in.  (Enter background singing “Plug it in, plug it in!”)  Joseph was able to keep his faith, even though he was hated by family, nearly killed, sold into slavery, falsely accused AND thrown into prison - for doing right!  David authored many of our psalms and was a man after God’s own heart even though he was an adulterer and a murderer.  Paul and Silas were able to sing (and not the Blues) after being lied about, beaten, and thrown into prison.  (Sometimes being in ministry leaves you feeling like that!)  Many times, the last thing we want to do is be joyful when our hearts are being crushed by grief and discouragement.  But these
times in our lives are no accident.  Our situations did not catch God off guard.  It is in that very moment that we have an incredible opportunity to experience God.  Overflowing, indescribable grace and joy is at our fingertips.  But….some decisions have to be made first. Here are some basic steps that I have discovered (By trial and much error)  that I hope will be a help to you.…. 

Steps to finding (or deciding to have) victory in February!

1. Stick to your daily schedule. - Devotions are more important now than ever!  Don’t skip.  If you don’t have a regular time to read God’s Word, start now!  Your spiritual life depends upon it.  - Write verses of encouragement on ⅗ cards.  Carry these around and read them often.  I have precious verses that I cling to like Ps. 91. - Do not lay around, procrastinate or wallow. (A little crying is ok…...just don’t drown in your tears.)  Wipe your tears and get going.  - Do be on time. - Do get enough rest.

   2.  Do something for someone else.  - Get your eyes off yourself.  There is someone around you that has it worse. - Exercise your ability to recognize needs in others.  Your previous experiences qualify you to be sympathetic to others presently in similar situations.  God may be able to use you like no one else.

  3.  Eat right…...most of the time.  (Let’s be real) - Poor nutrition and vitamin deficiencies will cause hormone imbalances, fatigue and depression

 4.  Sing.  (Yup…..) - I found this to be the hardest, ​
most important, step to having joy.  - Singing praises to God while our hearts hurt is the ultimate praise to God.  Doing so unlocks something so amazing, you can’t explain it…….you just have to experience it to ​know.

- Sing praises God even though it hurts and tears are falling down your face. - Sing praises to God for His mercy and abundant grace.

- Sing praises to God for loving wretched sinners like me and you. - Sing praises to God for His Word and His promises. - Sing praises to God for His protection and provisions.  - Sing praises to God for……..you get the point.

Friends, let’s look at February as a month of opportunities to say “I love you” to the Lord.  It ​is
 going to be cold.  Kids ​will squabble. Science projects ​are
​due.  You may even “get” to do diaper duty instead of going on a date.  Hearts ​
will hurt.  Bad news may come.  But let’s praise God anyway!  You will be amazed at what God can do with your broken heart.  Choose victory!  Choose JOY! 
 

How Important Is Your Faith / Mrs Kim McCoy

Mrs Kim McCoy

Pastor's Wife

First Baptist Church of Urbandale

Des Moines, IA

                                                         How Important Is Your Faith?

Each Saturday morning we have an organized soul winning time at our church.  As you all know, Christmas Eve day was on Saturday this last year, and to be honest I was hoping my husband would cancel soul winning for that week.  Well, he didn’t do that.  When we arrived at the church that morning to meet with the other soul winners, it ended up being just our family and our Assistant pastor, so we headed out to an apartment complex to knock on doors.   I took our oldest daughter out with me and was trying to watch my attitude, as I still had some last minute Christmas shopping to do.  I didn’t really want to be out knocking doors.  I know, that is a horrible attitude, and I’m not proud of it.  
A girl, who is a senior in high school, answered the first door we knocked.  She was pregnant with her first child.  She was a very sweet girl; a girl who knew that she had messed up, and was searching for help.   I was able to present the gospel to her.  She did not receive Christ that day, but the seed had been sown. 
We continued on down the hallway and didn’t find anyone home until the last door we knocked.  A black man in his early 20’s answered the door.  We ended up talking to him for 30 minutes. This young man was also searching.  His mom took him to church when he was younger, but he had gotten out of church when he was a teenager.  He knew about God, but hadn’t received Him as his Saviour.  I was also able to give him the Gospel, but like the girl at the first door, he did not receive Christ.  As this young man talked, he told my daughter and me how he was searching out other religions and was watching people to see what their faith really meant to them; how important it was to them.  We finished talking to him and went our way.
As we left, I couldn’t get that thought out of my head.  “How important is my faith to me?”  Obviously, it must not have been very important to me that day if I wasn’t willing to go out and tell others about Christ.  Needless, to say, as I left the apartment complex that day I was very convicted and needed to ask forgiveness for my cold heart.  
I’ve thought about that statement so many times since that day.  I’ve asked myself many times since then, “What does my faith mean to me?” “How important is it to me?”  As Christians, it is so easy to do things in our own strength, to get busy and forget to share the gospel with others, to get discouraged when things aren’t going right, and to try and take things in our own hands when going through a trial instead of letting God work.  Here are some questions we might ask ourselves in order to help us analyze where we are in our faith. 
1. Does our faith mean enough to us to share it with others?  

2Corinthians 6:1 “We then, as workers together with him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.”  Paul is saying to the church in Corinth not to receive the grace of God in vain; in other words, when you get saved don’t live a vain (Fruitless; ineffectual) life.  As Christians we need to be producing fruit - other Christians.  The way for us to bear fruit is by abiding in Christ.  John 15:4-5 “Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.  I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”  

Abiding in Christ will allow us to have the power we need to witness to others.  We have to remember that we can’t do it in our own strength. 

America used to primarily be a Christian nation, but today it’s very different.  I don’t know how many doors I’ve knocked on where the person answering the door had never heard the gospel.  To me, this is very sad.  We as Christians have to be careful of getting too busy and focused on things that don’t really matter and neglect to tell others about Christ.  A couple things to help us in this matter:  1). Abide in Christ and 2). Meditate on and remember the day that you received Christ as your Saviour.  
If we stay excited about the work that God has done in our lives then we’ll want to share it with others.

2. Does our faith mean enough to us that our lives are reflecting Christ?

Matthew 5:16 “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”  
I know it’s not popular to live a separated life in this day and age, but we must not let society or the world dictate the way we live.  We must live our lives according to God’s Word.  Titus 2:11-15 “For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.  These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority.  Let no man despise thee.”  
God wants us to live separated lives - to deny ungodliness and the lusts of the world.  He wants us to live soberly (Without intemperate passion; coolly; calmly; moderately) and righteously. Yes, we have to live in this world, but we don’t have to live like the world.  
We never know who is watching us.  Just like the young man that I met that day while out soul winning, he was watching people to see how important their faith was to them.  When the people of the world see us, can they tell that there is something different?  I have 5 children and the three oldest work or have worked at a grocery store called Fareway.  Almost immediately, their co-workers knew they were Christians by the way they dressed, the way they talked, and by their spirit and attitude.  
Because of their example, they have had co-workers talk to them about God and about spiritual matters, and also they(co-workers) have been more careful about what they say and how they act around my children.  Now if my children had
talked bad, sang the same songs they sang (thank God they didn’t know them), and acted wrong, then they couldn’t have been that “light” God wants them to be.  
They were made fun of by some, and even though it hasn’t always been easy, I praise God that our children let their “light” shine to the world.
May we be reminded that once we accept Christ as our personal Saviour, this body is no longer ours, it belongs to Christ.  I Corinthians 6:19-20, “ What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?  For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”   It’s very important to be careful of our actions, our attitude, our dress, how we conduct ourselves, etc. so that the world may see Christ through us, and so that our “light” will shine.

3. Does our faith mean enough to us that we allow testing and trials in our lives?  

I’ve never met anyone who was overjoyed or happy about going through a trial or hard times.  I know I don’t sit there and think, “Wow, I really can’t wait to go through this trial, It’s going to be so exciting and awesome!”   No, I get a little scared, panic some, and pray “Lord, do I really have to go through this testing?”  Do you know though, according to 2Corinthians 6:4-5 we are to approve (okay them; assent unto) trials, afflictions, and testings in our lives?  
I recently did a Bible study with the ladies from our church on this passage, and was amazed at what I learned.  2 Corinthians 6:3-5 says, “Giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed:  But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses,  In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings;”  
There is not one thing on that list that sounds like fun!  But, if we want our faith to grow we have to go through trials.  Anyone that has ever done great things for God and has great faith did not get it by living an easy live.   No, they had to go through great trials and afflictions.   I love to read Hebrews 11, where the Bible listed the men and women who had great faith.  But as I read about the great
things they accomplished and the great faith they had, I also think about the trials they went through.  
Praise God for the Bible and the godly examples that he gives us to help us in our own lives!  The greatest example of all is our Lord Jesus Christ.  Think of how much suffering and persecution He went through and all because he loved us and wanted us to be able to have eternal life.  The least we can do is to allow or to “approve” the trials, testings, and hard times that come into our lives so that our faith may grow.  Phillipians 1:10 “That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ;”

When our faith grows, it pleases God, and it allows him to use us to do great things for him.  II Timothy 1:8,  “ Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;”
In closing, I want to say that I’m so glad that I went soul winning that day even though I didn’t want to.  Had I not, I would have never met that young man.  I was able to share the Gospel with him that day, and in turn, he provoked me with questions that I have thought about many time since then.  “How important is my Faith to me?”  “What does it really mean to me?”  

His Healing Hand / Mrs Kayte McCoy

Mrs Kayte McCoy

Pastor's Wife

Harts Hill Baptist Church

Whitesboro, NY

His Healing Hand

1 out of 5 girls. 1 out of 20 boys.*
These are the sad statistics regarding sexual abuse in America. 
I've chosen to address the woman who is burdened with abuse in her past, offering Biblical principles for embracing the Lord's healing. In a short article such as this, I could never fully cover the needs this subject presents, but my goal is to perhaps crack open the door to a long hidden, darkened corner of a fractured and wounded heart, or maybe help along the healing that has already begun, or to offer some tools to a lady ministering to another woman who is struggling with sexual abuse in her past. I am focusing my thoughts toward sexual abuse, but many of the after effects of abuse of other natures are similar. With that being said, we are each individuals, loved individually by a very personal God. I would strongly encourage any lady with abuse in her background to counsel on a one on one basis with a godly lady she can trust.
 By stretching forth thine hand to heal; and that signs and wonders may be 
done by the name of thy holy child Jesus.
Acts 4:30
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
Healing is available to all. God can heal any hurt. Nothing is too big or too hard for Him. His grace is greater than any sin- even those committed against you.
I have not quite figured out WHY, but we seem to have a hard time allowing God's healing to begin in our hearts. I am not sure if it is pride, or Satan's tricks at work to keep us bound up in shame and guilt and suffering. But I do know that there was a point when I had to reach a decision: God can heal and I will allow Him to do so. I believe II Corinthians 12:9 with all my heart and trust that God has exactly what I need to mend the broken pieces that abuse created.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
II Corinthians 12:9
I'm going to share some thoughts that have been very helpful to me, and I pray that they help others as well.
~Recognize and release your abuse. We all know that denial of a problem only makes it worse. If an abused person has never openly shared with a trusted friend or counselor, doing so can be incredibly helpful. The abuse is no longer a secret; it's a recognized fact. Repressing what we have experienced or how we feel about those experiences only prohibits healing. Those festering hurts result in bitterness, and result in many unhealthy coping mechanisms that can plague people for their entire lives. 
However, my experience has been that too much "recognition" of abuse can also hinder healing. Dwelling and reliving in our minds the events or circumstances of abuse is like ripping off the scab of a wound. Indulging thoughts of revenge, or "what ifs" are equally destructive. The abuse may have actually happened to the body, but the battle now is for the mind. 
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
II Corinthians 10:5
Releasing the pain of abuse starts with forgiveness. Forgiveness is not easy. Most of society seems to accept that some things are beyond forgiveness. I remember my pastor telling me that I needed to forgive my abuser and immediately I thought, "Impossible. Cannot be done." I wasn't trying to be stubborn. I really truly thought it was beyond human ability. And in a way, I was right. We will need to have the Lord's grace in abundance to forgive. Again, putting an end to the habit of dwelling in your mind will help with forgiveness. When my mind, by long habit, would go there, I would pray for my abuser. Forgiveness of big hurts can take some time, and can be something that needs to be revisited over the years but it is possible and completely vital to healing.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Matthew 5:44
A common phrase is "forgive and forget." I believe forgiveness is possible but I realize we cannot literally erase parts of our memories. I choose the word "release" instead; I encourage you to stop actively remembering your abuse. What a freeing feeling it will be when you can live an entire day or week with little or no thought of the abuse of your past, not because you are denying or repressing, but because you are moving on, in wholeness.
~Facts verses feelings. Guilt and shame are the unpleasant, unwelcomed companions of most people who have been abused. We tend to think of guilt as an emotion: "I feel guilty." It can help to realize that a person is either guilty or not guilty, regardless of how they FEEL. How many criminals feel no remorse at all, yet that are actually guilty. A person who has suffered abuse is usually not responsible at all. The guilt they feel is inaccurate and misplaced. When you feel guilty, ask yourself, "Did I choose to do wrong?" If the answer is no, then you are not guilty and your emotions are lying to you. Predators are skilled at making their victims, especially children, believe that they are an active participate in the abuse. If you answered the above questions with uncertainty, it could be the result of an abuser's manipulation. Again, each situation is unique and it would be impossible to address every answer to the question of guilt in this article, but honestly and as unemotionally as possible look at events and see yourself as God see you, His beloved. Another distinction that was powerful to me was  defining "innocence" verses "purity."  
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
Isaiah 61:3
If you can liken abuse to a physical wound, imagine what happens when wounds are not treated properly. Wounds that are ignored or mishandled get worse, and the resulting complications can be devastating. Complications of abuse include distorted views of ourselves, and how we relate to the people around us. One major motivation of my desire to heal completely was the desire that I could form healthy, loving relationships in the future. The idea that my (future) spouse or children would be indirectly harmed from the abuse of my past lent an urgency and importance to allowing God's healing hand in every nook and cranny of my heart. The Lord can and will heal, from the actual abuse and from the complications that abuse has caused.
This brief article has barely touched the surface of this big, complex issue. I hope if you have realized you have unaddressed hurts from abuse in your life, you will be courageous and take the next step in surrendering your pain to the Lord. Share your burden with a godly counselor.  In addition, a small, Biblically based book that specifically deals with sexual abuse, Beauty for Ashes by John Coblentz is a great tool.
We do not have to live in the bondage of fear, embarrassment, isolation, confusion or pain that abuse has placed on us. God is holding out His healing hand to you. Reach out to Him.
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
John 8:36

Real Expectations / Mrs Jami McConkey

Mrs Jami McConkey

Pastor's Wife

Maranatha Baptist Church

Jacksonville, NC

 Realistic Expectations   Are we content in our Christian life?  Or do we suffer from unrealistic expectation – itis???

CONTENTMENT, noun 1. Content; a resting or satisfaction of mind without disquiet; acquiescence. CONTENTMENT, without external honor, is humility. Godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6.

God wants us to live victorious and balanced Christian lives!  His desire for us is to not suffer heartache and trials due to our unrealistic expectations!  Often we set ourselves up for trouble when we expect something that is just not going play out like we imagined. 

-My husband was a youth pastor twice before God brought us here to Maranatha.  One “perk” was going to fun places on Senior trips!  When our firstborn, Jalyn, was around 8 months old she went with us to Niagara Falls, Canada with our youth group.  What fun we had!!!!   I had gone before when I traveled with a tour group from Hyles-Anderson.  It was amazing and just like I had remembered it!!!!!  The reality met or exceeded my expectations!  

Another trip we went to Washington DC.  That place is full of great things to see and explore... you could go on several trips and still see new things and visit places you had not been to on previous trips.  On this trip, we were able to get a tour of the White House!!!!!   We were so excited!!!  We went through all the hoops to get our names on the list and went through the various security check points the day of the tour.   We finally entered this famous and historic building and started the tour.  You know what?  I was not impressed!  We saw some rooms, but there wasn’t much in them… just a big room that we walked around the edges of.  Some rooms were roped off and could only be peeked at …but it was just not much of a WOW tour!!!  I wasn’t expecting to meet the President or First Lady… see history made right in front of my eyes… but whatever they were… my expectations were NOT met!!!!   I did not let that ruin the trip...but it’s a great example of reality not meeting up with our expectations! 

What are some areas in our lives that can have “Unrealistic expectations?  --
 -Where we live -Family relationships/ parents & siblings
-Spouse relationship -In Law relationships -Children/Parenting -Friend/family relationships -Our Bodies
-Possesions

Below are a few thoughts on some areas of our lives that we often have unrealistic expectations!  For time’s sake, I have thought out just a few!  We could add more and keep going on and on!   Our homes -what our parents have now… is not what they started with…  they call them starter homes for a reason!  God provided us with a couch at every home we have lived in… including the encyclopedia to be used as the 4th leg!  They weren’t always the new trend or fancy, but God provided seating for our home!   We have had a red, blue, green plaid couch set, a light blue tweed sleeper sofa, an orange tweed sleeper sofa (that was not as ugly as it sounded!)  and lastly a cat’s former home… because the arms were all scratched up!  A few years ago, my husband called me out to the store and gave the option to pick my Christmas gift- an upgraded wedding band… or a couch, love seat & recliner set… how cruel to make me choose!!!!   I looked at the diamond band that I had wanted for 10 years… and then I looked at the furniture store.  In case you haven’t been to our home, I chose the new furniture!  I laugh and say it only took 10 years of marriage! When I watch couples on house hunters and other home decorating shows; I am amazed at the “wish list” that is more of a “demand list” for a young couple with no kids and just getting married!  It’s crazy how our focus becomes on having the biggest and best no matter what strain it puts on reality of paying those bills!!!    All that knit picking and having everything at such a high level so early… really takes the fun out of seeing God provide for your needs!!!!   Our first 10 years of marriage was no sad pity party because our couch wasn’t brand new or fancy!  We never shed a tear, but rather praised God for another home to move into… AND another couch from a new friend!!!!    Our husbands-  God made him, his mom and dad raised him, you met and fell in love with him!  enjoy that gift!!!!  Rather than try to change him or improve him to your standard… pray for God to help you be the wife he needs you to be!  THAT will change your marriage!!!!    Keep your heart pumping for him and him alone!!!!  Who cares if he leaves the toilet seat up, leaves shoes out and any other “annoying” traits he may have.  REMEMBER THIS- there is a widow somewhere who would give her right arm to have those shoes left out, and that stupid toilet seat up!!!!  There is a military wife somewhere who would gladly have her husband home each night… so enjoy every “wife” chore you have!  <<we’ll look back someday and laugh at the young self who complains about picking up dirty socks!   ((How to keep that fire going???? Don’t focus on the dirty socks… think about his kisses... his arms around you and all those fun times that follow!  - to keep a fire you must kindle it!)))  << that another devotion! xoxo
  Issues and situations come up… I am no expert or have all the answers for each trial we may face.  I can only vouch for the 12-year club, others can vouch for the 20+ club… you don’t get there without WORK!!!!  What a precious gift we pass on to our children…. The gift of a loving home with a mom and dad who work at their marriage and keep the home together!   As a child of multiple divorces from both parents…. IT IS WORTH IT!!!!! 
Comparison is the thief of JOY!    
Our children When new babies come into our home- it’s a full-time job!  It can be hard to keep that balance of a sane lady and the frazzled, sleep deprived new mom!  How can you keep calm when you have a newborn?  Keep your eyes on Jesus!  You are operating with a new normal… say “see ya later” to the old normal!  Its gone sister!  The joys of motherhood are numerous… and so are the “new” things you get to figure out!  By keeping your center focus on Jesus.. keep reading your Bible… have it read to you will be helpful now (Bible apps are great for those alone times with baby!)  keep praying! -so glad that God’s line is never busy or closed for maintenance... .so those 3am feedings are a GREAT time to talk to your Jesus!!!!  By striving to get as much church time as you can… keeps you feeling like a normal human… even if your milk comes in...--right in the middle of a service- the child will not starve and you will get to finish a service which has now become an Olympic feat!!!!   Only from personal experience can I say that you are the mom and you help guide your babies feeding patterns- its worth the effort to get back into church!   Children also grow and progress differently!  Don’t let little johnny walking at 10 months discourage you if your baby is still loving his/her belly rolling or scooting around!  Milestones are just simple suggestions!  Enjoy each stage and milestone and enjoy the simple progress that children 

Our bodies Yes I said it… being content with how God made you … both fearfully and wonderfully made… He did not make a mistake!  New babies do a lot of changing do the mommies body… still fearfully and wonderfully made!  I don’t believe in “just not caring” or “letting yourself go”,  but don’t be ashamed of the fact that you have a newborn baby… and the jelly belly to prove it!!!!   Work towards realistic goals… only folks with personal trainers and lots of money and previously photoshopped pictures of themselves… are able to get back to that old body in 6 weeks!  Enjoy that baby and all the “newness” of the new baby body you have now!  

Comparing your body to another woman’s body= pointless!  God blessed us all differently… and in so many ways!  Each of us should thank HIM for making You- YOU!!!!  Be the best YOU that YOU can be!!!!

Psalm 139:14
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

Our jobs Each family is different with jobs outside the home and jobs inside the home.  Right now our “chore wheel” is the most diverse it has been in all of our 12.5 years of marriage!!!!  We are a team!  For me to be at the church working on a variety of tasks… I am not home like I would like to be or sometimes need to be!  My husband and children help with many of the household duties to make it all come together for our “family ministry”!   If I see someone else staying home more I can get out of focus… fast!   Likewise, if we hear of a husband doing more housework than ours… we can get jealous of that home and not even know why it’s like that!  Once during a “newlywed game” a couple stunned us with their answer a standard question of “How much housework does your husband do?” Everyone else’s answers were 20% or less. This lady’s answer- 75%!!!!!   SAY WHAT!!!!!!  <<<< she had had back cancer so he worked a full-time job but did the things she couldn’t physically do!    IT’S A BEAUTIFUL THING----PERSPECTIVE!!!

Our role in the current chapter of life… 

We all wear different hats… many hats each day!  Some of us are excellent at hat stacking!!!!   I think the devil uses this to get us discouraged.  My dentist is a great lady.  She made a statement that she was behind in her life goals… she has a very successful practice, has opened a 2nd location in Wilmington… but in her heart of hearts, she thought she would be a bit further along her career goal line at this point in life.  She has two choices at the juncture in life-  she can get discouraged, slow down, just be ok with where she is now and not concerned about future growth career wise… OR She can use this reflection as motivation… not necessarily re-evaluate as in throw out the plan she set for herself years ago… but she can take the experience she has learned over the past years and apply that as to how to most effectively achieve her goals!  -not goal torching… but a mere adjustment in the sails!!    Where are you at in life?  Many of you did not plan on a military life… but God led you to a man who has your heart… and where he goes you will follow!  There’s great character in living that way!  You get to pass down life experiences and life lessons to your children that others don’t get!  - all of them… good, bad…. And other!


Possessions.  In life, we have stuff.  But we all need to keep our stuff in perspective!  Sometimes God takes things away from us to get us back into perspective!  I don’t want to get materialistic minded and loose the focus of where God has me!  There are lots of “clothing” pieces that I would like to have…but do I HAVE TO HAVE THEM????   Of course!!!  Lol!  Not really!  I need to be content with what I have and make it look the best with what God has blessed me with!   Now I am all about looking nice and put together… love me some modern modesty…. But it can become my obsession with me buying something because I see someone else wearing it and think I
HAVE TO HAVE IT….NOW!!!!!!    a verse that I often find myself saying… I use this verse for myself, my kids- often!  To refocus us on what is really important!

Philippians 4:11
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.


Lastly, there is one area that being “just content with” is not ok…. Our Christian walk!!!!!   We all have come to a point where we realized that we are sinner, in need of a perfect Jesus to pay the price for our sins.  But we never “arrive” at the perfection point in this life!  ((That’s what those who are trusting in good works are working towards!!!))    Each day we much keep our hope in Jesus!  Our Bible reading and prayer is what keeps the communication lines open and clear!  Church attendance helps with fellowship and encouragement from our sister friends and church family ---or it should!  
If you find yourself just going through the motions… spend some time in prayer, go to the altar during invitation and ask God to show you how to have victory in your life!   He saved us to use us for His glory… not to be a “pretty” up on the shelf!  - or miserable because of something we used to do and “can’t anymore!”      If you are like me, it is not always “easy” to keep up all the things you need to keep up with!  For someone who often says I’m not a hat person… I have many hats to wear!  Being content with my home, family, possessions, job, etc… is a balancing act that I will lose along with any sanity I have left IF I don’t get my power from HIM!!!!   To borrow are phrase from a favorite song- I’m not discouraged, I’ve Heaven bound!
My prayer is that we allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us…work on those areas or others that came to your mind while reading… where we may need some perspective and growth to keep on keeping on for HIM!!! Love and prayers for you! Jami McConkey Job 23:10