Parenting the Adult Child / Mrs Michelle Woster

Mrs Michelle Woster

School Administrator

Grandview Christian Academy

Beavercreek, OR

Parenting the Adult Child 

Welcome to the next phase of life!  I am a mom of four boys. My oldest is 30 years old and my youngest is 17.  I firmly believe in the special bond between mother and sons.  I am privileged to have a close relationship with all my boys.  We have shared conversations about dreams, fears, girls, college, careers, and more. I treasure that time.  I cling to it. It fills my soul and makes me feel like God has given me the desires of my heart in these young men. My idea of a dream vacation is not being stranded on a remote island with the man of my dreams (the husband)…..but spending an entire day screaming at the top of my lungs at a theme park somewhere riding rides all day with my sons and laughing!  I know…wicked?  Maybe.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my husband.  But there is something different about the mom/son relationship. <insert contented sigh here> 

So, what is the problem, you may ask?  They grow up! LOL. Being the mom when they are little is really, fairly easy.  Wipe an occasionally tear or nose, a few trips to the ER for broken bones or stitches, early morning snuggles and tickle fights in bed wearing feet-y pajamas, some late night chats about how rotten girls are when they are tweens…. I’ve got this!  But now they are men.  Independent. Strong.  Why is this so hard?  I still see my little man.  My baby. My sweet smelling snuggle-bug that I adore. I have to <gulp> let go and allow some other woman to take their heart.  Again, I ask, why is this so hard?  Isn’t this what we have raised them for?  This is supposed to be what we consider as a successful job of parenting.  Why does my heart ache then?  How do I continue to have a relationship with this new MAN now when I am not the center of his world any more? 

We need to change our perspective. You can ask any of my students – I talk a lot about perspective.  It is life changing -  and when life is changing it can make what seems sad, stressful, or otherwise crazy – exciting, joyful and downright awesome! 

Remember the goal:  Deut. 6:6-7 – “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” 

God charges parents with raising children who will become adults who follow God.  He did not mention hanging onto their shirt tales and keeping the home.   

Remember the good:  Matt. 6:4 – “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” 

I love memory lane.  I can look at old pictures, reminisce and smile over all the fun we had.  

Remember the gift:  Psalm 127:3 -  “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. 

It is not over yet!  I am still a major part of my son’s lives.  I now just have more people to love and be a part of the fun..  Wives, girlfriends, buddies, they are all a part of this now. A few pointers... 

1.  Your schedule is now second.  When the phone rings or the text comes, my stuff gets set aside and I am running on their calendar and clock.  When they have a minute to spend – I rearrange and make it happen!   

2. My opinion is only needed when asked for. They are adults. My sons are men.  My husband and I have taught them to be a leader in his home, to guide his family, and to seek God for direction and help.  

3. My job remains – just different.  Encourage. Edify. Empower. No complaining. No critiquing.  

I still have a great relationship with my sons. I have frozen yogurt dates. We go shopping together (well to be fair, only one likes shopping). We vacation together – but now with more people! Holiday traditions stay the same. We worship together. Talk about God together. Do Life together. Enjoy this new season in life!