MY FEAR GREW BIGGER THAN MY FAITH / Mrs Susan Ballad

 

Mrs Susan Ballard

Pastor's Wife

Grace Baptist Church
Marion, IA

3 - children

5 - grandchildren (they call me Grammy)

 

 

MY FEAR GREW BIGGER THAN MY FAITH 

 

I recently had the privilege of traveling to Israel with my husband and the tour he has taken for the past fourteen years. I had gone in 2007, and I must confess, I really wasn’t looking forward to the trip this year. WHAT? Yes, you read that correctly Hon! I know that sounds ungrateful, as I know many of you would LOVE to have the opportunity to visit the Holy Land, the trip of a lifetime. That just wasn’t what was in my heart this time.  I was fearful of this trip, but not for the reason you might expect, such as the ongoing battle with all those who would erase God’s chosen people or the daily terrorism that these dear Jewish people endure. No, it was neither.  

I had been to Israel in 2007 and enjoyed it immensely, though it was a bit long (two weeks away from home) and weary with a demanding daily schedule that year. I was nine years younger then, at 46, and in better health! Now, I’m a 55 year old “couch potato” called “Grammy” by 5 of the most precious grandchildren EVER! I had been sick quite often in the past year as my Hashimotos - an auto immune disease, had flared again, causing my body to attack itself.  This in turn had my diabetes out of control, and inflammation triggered more arthritis pain. I felt I was falling apart and had been fighting sinus and ear infections for 3 months. How could I go to Israel and enjoy it without being sick and miserable, and maybe making others around me miserable as well? No, it didn’t sound like the right plan for me, according to the SLB-the Susan Lynn Ballard version of God’s will for me!  

We began praying for good health and for the Hashimotos to go dormant again. My prayer partners encouraged me as they were also praying for me and concerned for this trip and how it might affect me. As I finished my 4th round of antibiotics just a week before we were to leave, I still hadn’t felt peace about this trip. So, I prayed, planned, prepared, and prayed some more.  This apprehension I was feeling just wouldn’t let go of me.  

The day came when we left and drove to St. Louis, Missouri to stay overnight with friends and then leave for the airport early the next morning. Six of us were flying from St. Louis to meet the rest of our tour group in Newark, New Jersey. From there we would all fly to Tel Aviv, Israel.  We awoke the next morning to learn that our flight would be delayed due to bad weather overnight in Newark. So, we arrived at the airport in plenty of time for the hurry up and wait treatment! Later, we arrived in Newark too late to board the plane with everyone else, and our plane departed without us! My little faith began to waiver and wilt. I thought perhaps I should have stayed at home after all.  Doubt set in, fear took hold, and my faith seemed even smaller than a tiny mustard seed! 

We finally boarded our plane 5 hours later for the 10 to 12 hour flight to Israel. Oh boy! It was real now and there was no turning back, so I prayed for God to grow my faith and to please keep me healthy until I returned home.  I am here to tell you, I did stay well for most of the trip! Thank you Lord for answered prayer, both my own and those who partnered with me!  

We first went to the Dead Sea, then on to the Red Sea, where we went on a wonderful luncheon cruise. Next we went to the Sea of Galilee for another ship ride, lunch of St. Peter’s Fish-Tilapia, and many other sights. Our last few days were in old Jerusalem, where we went to the F=Garden of Gethsemane, Golgotha, and the Garden Tomb. We saw the place where David defeated Goliath, and we gazed on Bethlehem. The weather then turned cooler and it rained. I did begin to feel ill, with a cold and fever, but God was my strength to continue on. Some of the ladies gave me vitamins, supplements, and even a few antibiotics were shared. I appreciate God supplying my need through these sweet ladies!  

I thoroughly enjoyed seeing these sights, some of which were new to me since my last adventure. Others were familiar places where our Lord had walked and had performed miracles, such as feeding the 5,000, and places where many were saved and had their lives changed. My spirit was revived and renewed with each day. Just to think, perhaps my footsteps were stepping in exactly the path that my Saviour had once trod! WOW! 

 I also got to make some new friends in our tour group and renew old friendships, too! These were all (34) wonderful servants of the Lord and great co-laborers in the faith! I was amazed as God opened doors for us to sing and hand out gifts to many Jewish people everywhere we went. Some of them cried, others smiled and rejoiced to see we cared and that we truly do support them and love them. Something special was happening, within our tour group, within the hearts of the Jewish people we spoke with, and within my own heart as well.  

Yes, I did get sick as I had feared, but God did some amazing things and I saw some miracles taking place there! And… I had another trip of a lifetime, with so many blessings, words cannot adequately describe it.  

As we are celebrating Easter at the time of my writing, I can surely say, I have seen Golgotha where our Lord was crucified. But, He no longer remains nailed to the cross. I also went to the Garden Tomb, and can tell you, He was not there! For He is risen! Yes, we serve a risen Saviour! 

When you are fearful or ill, or just weary and busy serving God, remember to trust Him because wherever you go, He can take care of you! He’s the Great Physician who knows our needs and can supply them! 

When fears and doubts arise: 

First, remember to pray, and enlist some prayer warriors to pray in your behalf! Heb 4:16,  

Jms 5:16, Eph 6:18. 

Next plan according to God’s will for you.  Jer 29:11 Plan your work, work your plan, and don’t get sidetracked! Stay focused! 

Prepare yourself to accomplish His will. II Tim 2:15, Ez 38:7 

Fear not! Is 41:10.