Mrs Amanda Rasbeary
Pastor's Wife
Lighthouse Baptist Church
Wylie, TX
Who Cares for the Pastor?
During my 17 years of being a Pastor’s Wife, I have seen many good, godly people start out in the ministry… and fail. I have also seen pastors and missionaries serve on, despite the darkest of personal valleys. Many times, these dark times trace back to doubts about their calling. Now, in theory, everyone in the ministry should love and serve God and others all their life without a shadow of doubt that they or God made a mistake when they were called into the ministry or to the specific church they are in now. Yet, every Monday there are pastors and missionaries all around the world ready to throw in the towel. Why do they have these doubts? Simply put: their people don’t communicate with them. The Bible says in Galatians 6:6, “Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things.” Now, I don’t believe that most church or staff members purposely ignore their pastor; but something is lacking, and it is up to us as church members to correct it.
What can be done to help these men of God to rally? Do you remember the story of Aaron and Hur holding Moses’ hands during the battle in Exodus 17: 10-12? You must support your pastor. I believe that if the people of God would care for their Pastor, we would not see as many quit. You say, “We pay our pastor well!” While finances are part of the equation, what I mean is how you minister to your pastor. Do you realize that most pastors take the weight of every church member’s life on his shoulders, as well as his own personal problems? Yes, pastors do have problems outside the church: sick or difficult family members, financial struggles, health problems (either their own or their wife or children), even spiritual plateaus that seem like brick walls; especially since’ being spiritual’ is his life. You say, “Oh my, Mrs. Rasbeary, I never thought of it that way!”. I would say “I know, and that’s why I am writing this article!”
The little things make the difference. Here are a few that I think will do the most good.
1. Remember he’s human. He has faults and weakness just like everyone else! Even a spiritual man of God is not perfect. I’m not saying a church should overlook gross sin, but remember he’s the man of God, not God! Sometimes he says the wrong thing, or becomes irritated at little things. Make it a matter of prayer, not a matter of personal criticism. This is even more important if you are on staff, or work closely with your Pastor; especially in small church situations. It will be your attitude tward honoring the preacher that sets the tone for the church. 2. Notice the extra things he does: planting flowers, changing lightbulbs, cleaning toilets. These are not his job, but he and his family simply does them because there is no one else that will. There are a few things you can do to show your appreciation. You can thank him or brag on him; you can offer to do it for him next time or set up team of people to rotate the job. In some situations, you can pay to have it done for him. Let me caution on this one point: make sure if volunteers do tasks in the church, it is done well or the pastor may have to go back and fix it! Any of these things will show him that you know his time is valuable, and appreciate how much he does. 3. Make special days special. Please don’t forget birthdays and anniversaries! You say, “The church didn’t throw me a birthday party, so why should we do it for the Pastor or his family?” I tell you why: because he loves and prays and worries for you like you were his child. That’s one
of the things a church seldom sees: the inward devotion and care of a Pastor interceding with God the Father on their behalf. As a Pastor’s wife, I see what happens when he knows that someone is going astray, or falling away. He prays for them, encourages them, and even tries to correct them; all the while knowing that if God does not get their attention, how can he? Let him know you are grateful for his love and support. There are many things that can be done that aren’t big and grand. Maybe a simple thank you card signed by the kids in your Sunday School class would really make his day special But really, should the Pastor’s wife have to plan the church or pastor’s anniversary and buy the cake? Should she have to take the collection for his birthday? Should the pastor have to ask for a Christmas bonus or a raise? All these things can be done by church members in a way that they can afford. Deacons and trustees can plan a private meeting, and vote to do something extra special when the occasion and finances permit. But this ought to be a consistent effort by the church, not an every five year occurrence. While I was writing this article, my friend (who is also a pastor’s wife) called me and asked me how she could help her church understand how important it is to encourage her husband. She doesn’t want to outright beg them to organize something, but her husband didn’t even get a card for his birthday! I know this pastor personally, and he is always there for the people of his church- even to a fault sometimes. Despite this, no one communicated this love back to him. Of course, he won’t ask it, but if he is like any other man, he will wonder what he is doing wrong if his church family does not show any sort of love towards him.
This lack of communication leads to self-doubt and discouragement, and in worse cases, down right depression. A man of God is usually an “all in” type of personality. When he feels he is not doing what God sent him to accomplish, he may struggle with his self-image and his ability to fully do God’s will. Why do so many preachers quit? Why are so many hindered? Why do some battle with depression or even take their own lives? I believe that like Elijah (Elijah 19:9-18), they think they are alone, and have failed God. Let’s take the man of God’s hands like Aaron and Hur and hold them up. If you don’t, you may see the battle being lost just like the Israelites did. It won’t just be the pastor who goes down, it will be the church too. These acts of kindness are not a magic cure, and will not heal every pastors aching heart. Some have been hurt so bad that it will take a while for them to recover. But it’s never too late to start! A little bit of communication will go a long way for those who just need that extra push. Are you willing to hold up the hands of the man of God?
