Mrs Kelly Gray
Pastor's Wife
Longview Baptist Temple
Longview, TX
The Balancing Act
By Kelly Gray
Life in general is a balancing act. When you throw in a husband, who is a pastoring, children, married kids, a special needs son, grandkids, a job, elderly parents, and then the ministry it is definitely a daily challenge.
I could describe it as a roller coaster. You get on anticipating the worst and you have your ups and downs and then you finally get to the end and begin to breathe again. Then it starts over again and over again and away you go! Wheeeeeeee!!!!!
I’ve been married 28 years and we enter the ministry 3 months after we married. I wasn’t ready for that yet , but we knew that is what God wanted for us. We were in the youth ministry for 22 years and now pastoring for the past 6 years. We have learned pastoring is definitely a balancing act. It’s fresh and new everyday! No day is the same. New people, new problems, babies, graduations, birthday parties, hospital visits, hospice care, weddings, and funerals encompass our days.
We had three children in that busy life and they all are in their 20’s now. Our daughter DeAnna , 27 is married to Josh Doyle our church Bus Director. They also have two boys and a little girl Natalie , due to come before Christmas. Our youngest son Jordan 21. stays busy with work, Bible College and a long distance relationship. Our Special Gift from God -R.G. is 24. He has had 24 surgeries as of today. He will always live with us and will need our caretaking. So our lives are definitely a Balancing Act.
I could give with 10 steps to a Balanced Life but anyone who knows me would know that is not even in my vocabulary and would probably be laughing through the whole article.
The verse that has helped me to stay focus would have to be I Corinthians 15:58. I have claimed it as my life verse for years. The longer I serve the Lord the more I am reminded why I chose this verse, it says, “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, , always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.”
1-Be Stedfast –dutifully firm and unwavering. Be consist with your Christian life not wavering with every wind of doctrine, lifestyle even your dress standard. I know I am an example to my husband, kids, grandkids and my siblings and even those in the church who may just see me on Sundays.
2-Strive to be Unmoveable. Don't be affected by emotion or excitement with everything that is going on around you.
3-Always Abound. Be thankful for where God has brought you & keep serving the Lord.
4-Remember your labor is not in Vain. God is our ultimate reward. Remember it is all for him. He should get the honor and glory for all we do for him.
We lost a dear lady in our church this week to cancer just a couple years older than I. Hers sons went to school with our daughter and we share many memories together. We visited her often and just saw her in a hospice care center a couple days before she went to heaven. We definitely have to balance our life in the ministry. I just got off the phone with a sweet wife who is sitting by her husband side the past couple months watching him have stroke after stroke and there is nothing else doctors can do for him. She is waiting for him to go to heaven with no more suffering. It would be easy to get so discourage with those losing loved ones, but I know there is a better place and we have hope. We also just had a wedding in our church last night for sweet young lady raised in our church with a new home to start a family in. We have to be able to balance those different stages of life and try and be there for those in need.
We have a special needs sons who’s health is not good at this time. Through the years we never know when we may end up in the hospital with him so I have had to balance things in my life. Realizing even when I needed to give up a Sunday school class because they need more than a teacher, they need someone who is faithful each and every week. There have been times through the years that I knew I couldn’t be there for them because of R.G.’s health so I would have to step aside. I wish I could say I have always done a good job but I have failed . Still I have learned through the years. We have had Family and great friends who will pick up where I can’t do what I need to do at times. Being a wife is my #1 responsiblility I must make sure my husband is cared for even though I have a full plate . He needs be feel that I am taking care of him and all he needs. Also a pastors wife, a daughter, a mom and even anticipating the birth of our granddaughter this month, is all we have on our plate right now. Christmas parties and activity at the church also, our school, college is all a Balancing Act. You have to realize what is the most important in your life and that you can try to be “Super Woman” but you can’t always do that. Take care of yourself for those who need you most and realize the Lord is where you get your daily strengthen to make it through all he has for you.
Psalms 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shall stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me.
There is this story I use when I speak about our son R.G. it’s called “My trip to Holland”. It just came to my mind and I guess you could this story for the ministryalso and how you may balance your life with a family and being in the ministry. It’s a different place and you just make the best of it.
~My Trip to Holland~
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability — to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand
it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans… the Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.
You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland!” “Holland?” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a different place.
So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around. You begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. And Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, ” Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that experience will never, ever, ever, go away. The loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Take everyday and give it to the Lord ask him to use you to make others lives better and remember every opportunity God has allowed into your life just Balance it do the best you can to serve Him!
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