No After Event Christmas Let Down This Year / Rhonda Morrow

Rhonda Morrow

Choir Member / Helps with Bus Kids

Grandview Baptist Church 

Beavercreak, OR

NO AFTER EVENT CHRISTMAS LET DOWN THIS YEAR

It’s taking years to learn but this year I got the closest to it

I looked Christmas from the eyes of child, the heart of mother, the spirit of a Christian

My life has been full, oh so very full, full of sadness, full of joy, full of disappoints, full of delights, full of hardship and full contentment, just as yours has been, I am sure. In my lifetime, I have suffered the loss of children, a spouse, parents and grandparents. I have relocated several times for several reasons. A few of those times by giving away and or leaving everything we owned to move somewhere else and start over completely with just a few items, 250 pounds of items for a family of 4 at that time, reduced from a family of 6 because 2 children were grown and own their own. Those moves are hard because you give up so much of the material things you gained, the things we measure life by. Vehicles, beds, clothes, kitchen items, bathroom items, pictures, accessories and this list can go on and on. But they are just that, material things. They don’t keep you pinned to one place or another. Only God keeps can keep you pinned to Him! He is the one thing you or I cannot lose, once we have Him. This is the only place that matters, right here nestled in God’s loving embrace, the rest are just places and things.

This year, this Christmas Season, has taught me a few things. After losing my husband three and half years ago I did not have my Christmas joy until this year, these last years have been a taxing struggle for me. It is so hard to be the mom and dad, the husband and wife [can I say I really like being the wife]. I cannot explain to a person who hasn’t lost a child the emptiness, who hasn’t lost a spouse the loneliness or who hasn’t lost a parent the insight. Yet these life events have been a huge growth in the Lord for me. One thing I have always had and been able to say it is well with my soul, God has everything in control, just keep the faith and it will in the end be okay. I am still keeping the faith, knowing the end hasn’t arrived.

But, these last few months it has been the hardest and I have had to come to place where I realize I need God more than just my faith. I need Him in my actions, my thoughts, my words, my deeds, not that He wasn’t there before, but now more personal to me the almost empty nester and widow. I always thought, I have my faith, I am saved, I pray, I read my bible, I go to church, I help out where I am needed, I lean on and depend on God. We have this thing between us, God and I, I do these things and He keeps life going for me, He provides every need and gives some wants too.

God told me in July to move again, so here I am in Clackamas County, Oregon, left everything in storage. I just knew he would provide a job and a place to live put my daughter in a Christian private school and maybe just maybe find me a husband and life would be good, in no time at all!

Well, I am here to tell you, He provided most of these things and life is good, but it is NOT what I had expected, at all! We are in a great church my daughter attends the school there, done by God’s loving grace. I have a job and we have a place to live. This is where my idea of what this should like and God answer to what the reality of what is looks like do not match; right now we live with a family from church, but we each have our own bedrooms and the people with whom we live with are a wonderful Christian, loving couple, whose children are grown. We have food to eat, warmth, electricity, and all we need for living. I keep telling myself, God is bigger than any stumbling blocks I face in getting our own place, this shouldn’t be a deterrent, God is bigger than everything and can make anything happen He wants to happen and still, we live with this blessed couple from church. Yes, I am grateful, but I am also confused and wondering why God is keeping us here, why? I pray all the time for our own place, I

pray and I am asking why He won’t give us our place. It has been months since we moved out here, am I being punished for a deed I cannot seem to remember? Why isn’t God moving us? What did I do wrong? Why is God holding out on us? Doesn’t He want the same thing, how can He not want the same thing? Then, finally, in a small, calm, loving voice God says, “Rhonda, my grace is sufficient for you at this time”, “Rhonda, you are here because I placed you here”, “Rhonda, stay put until I move you”. So what did I do before he spoke to me? I kept praying. I ask everyone in the world to pray with me for God’s will. I keep talking to God and praying, for my will and my wants knowing for sure it was God’s will too. I struggled to keep my hope, which interfered with my faith, which interfered with me listening to God, which interfered with daily life. And still I kept praying for the same thing, the same way.

Now the Christmas Season is upon us, oh what to do?!?! I know I cannot lose my faith now! I have to figure out how to deal with this Christmas season, while in someone else’s home, and find the joy my Saviour gave me. I have to be a better example to my daughter[s], son, grandkids, family and friends thus I cannot be selfish and miserly. I cannot ignore these last months of messages God has directed right to me, step up, step out, listen to God’s will, forget my will, grasp God’s ways let go of my ways. Do for others, don’t expect anything in return. So much to take in, to absorb, now, how do I accomplish this? What am I going to do to get to that point, to find my Christmas joy? It was then God reminded me in that small, calm, loving voice “Rhonda, my grace is sufficient for you at this time”, “Rhonda, you are here because I placed you here”, “Rhonda, stay put until I move you”. It was clear I needed to put to deed what He had been saying to me all along.

So, I gave of myself; I stepped in helped out where needed, gave blood and did what I could where I could. I spent money I did not have to spoil a teen girl on the giving tree. I bought stuff to bake Christmas goodies and gave away just about all but a few bites, to family, a men’s Sunday school class and the church for a ministry fundraiser. I participated in just about everything I was asked to or invited to. I sent out almost five boxes of Christmas cards to about every address in my phone and many not in my phone. I prayerfully considered what gifts and for whom should I buy and mostly stuck to it, with a couple exceptions. This was my joy and comfort, to serve others. God gave me a heart to serve and help, to show and share Him.

I had finally found my Christmas joy and I wasn’t about to let it go! I looked at Christmas through the eyes of child, enjoying all the wonderment, lights, decorations and excitement of the season. I looked at Christmas through the heart of a mother, wanting to see what her children and grandchildren see how they want their Christmas to look and tried to do all I could to help accomplish this for them. I looked at Christmas through the spirit of Christian, doing what God would have me to do, be a help to others, to serve in His name, share His love.

Yes! I can say I have learned to stop pressing God for answers just because I didn’t like that answer or could not believe He would not want the same thing I want. I know His grace is sufficient for me at this time. I am to have faith He IS God and knows what is best for me; I am to show faith in Him by doing the work he has given me and serving where He leads me to serve. I am to keep praying, but for others and let what God provides be enough for the day. I want to learn what God expects of me. I ask God to supply my needs and the desires of my heart, but will also asking Him to supply those desires.

Does God have a plan for my life? Yes, He does. Do I want His will for my life? Yes, I do. Am I able to change this situation? Not without God’s assistance. What am I to do? Prepare myself for His will in my life. What does this mean? Do not get into Gods way with my wants for my life over Gods wants for my life. Let God lead me.

This year as Christmas day ended and all of the presents were revealed and the excitement and anticipation ended, I still had all of my joy of my Saviour because I experienced Christmas from the eyes of child...the heart of mother…the spirit of a Christian. I pray I never forget this.

I still have a lot to learn, we should never stop learning, and with God’s love and grace I will keep working towards that goal He set for me one step and one prayer at a time.