Sunday, October 29, 2017

How to help others with grief! / Mrs Marcella Smith

Mrs Marcella Smith
Pastor's Wife / Chaplain's Wife
Sandy Valley Baptist Temple
Magnolia, OH


 How to help others with grief!  (And maybe yourself in the process)

As a pastor’s wife I want to learn all I can about helping people through their most difficult times… God has been teaching me, guiding me, and prompting me in this area of helping folks in their time of grief. It is such a needed teaching.  (I have heard some horrible things at funerals.) I wish I had learned more about it at a younger age and I am thankful now for the many things I have learned, some of them being very recent.  If you are unsure or nervous about helping with grief, please read on. You will never be comfortable…grief is not comfortable, but you can be confidant in your service to others as they grieve. You can become a true helper in their darkest hour. Is that not what we are to do? 

Isa. 6:3 “ To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…”

Everyone experiences grief differently. Grief in your life is as if we were filling an ice cube tray with water. We have different compartments (areas, if you will) in your life, but as you experience grief and try to contain it into one little compartment, it spills into every other area of your life. You cannot package it up or tape it shut to keep it put. Grief is not neat or orderly… It is messy, it spills over into every area, it rears up when you least expect it, it interrupts your best laid out plans, and makes chaos of your otherwise organized life. It is an excruciating pain that breaks your heart. It makes even breathing a difficult task. It is hard, agonizing labor that steals your strength. It is completely unpredictable. 

Certain smells, sights, sounds and tastes bring grief to the forefront just when you thought you were in control again. You will find yourself crying at sentimental commercials, laughing hysterically at almost nothing, or being red hot angry; with little to no warning. You will be lonely and want to talk and then withdraw when given a chance to speak. You will be numb and then you will feel everything to the extreme degree. You will find that the world keeps on moving when you desperately wish it would stop because you are changed forever, and you resent that change, and want everything to be as it was before this loss. 

In case, no one ever told you… It’s okay! No one can tell you how to grieve. You can laugh, cry, throw things, be angry, sing, light candles, take bubble baths, go shopping, eat junk food, read your Bible, pray without words, scream into your pillow… you do what you need to do. Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 tells us there is a time for everything.  Yes, a time for grief.  It’s okay to grieve.  Even when others don’t understand, Jesus is holding you close and loves you unconditionally. He truly knows
your pain and wants to bear it with you. There is no one specific way to grieve. Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way. 

(Practical things I’ve learned)  When helping others with grief…

PLEASE DO NOT: Say things like: “Heaven’s getting sweeter”  “You ‘ll get over it” “You are crying like there is no Heaven” “I understand exactly how you feel”


Act like nothing happened Reprimand them for unstable emotions Expect certain emotions from them Make their experience about you (telling them of all your losses and how you are still hurting) 

If you are thinking, “don’t people already know these things?”, then you have not been to the funerals that I attended. Yikes! if you don’t know what to say then just say very little and give them a quick hug! Please, you are hurting when you should be helping, simply because you have not learned about how to handle yourself while others are grieving. I am amazed at the hurtful things I hear at funerals. (Most are said in ignorance with a spirit of truly trying to help) Other words are said in selfishness. Think of others, not yourself, when you are trying to help someone during extreme grief.

PLEASE DO: Give a hug, say I’m so sorry or I’m praying for you Text them quotes or encouraging scriptures or call them often during the next few weeks Let them talk about their loss as little or as much as they choose to Let them guide the conversation Just sit with them Act normal around them Send cards to them (remembering their loved one’s special days too) Take them a meal or purchase a restaurant gift card so they can use it at their leisure Let them show whatever emotion they need to at that moment  Be sensitive to their needs – food, water, help with little kids, sleep, mints, hand sanitizer, etc. (then do your best to meet the need as unobtrusively as possible) Make yourself available anytime – give them your phone number Listen, listen, listen! Go with the flow…learn them, lift them up, encourage them. LOVE THEM!

Ask God to guide your actions so that you know when and how much to reach out to them, what to say, and how to comfort them in that moment. You cannot be in the place of their loved one, so don’t even try. But you can help with the loneliness and pain by walking with them through
this valley. Never stop reaching out, even if you feel you have erred in your way of helping them. You will never go wrong in reaching out to someone, with Christ’s love, during a difficult time in their life.





Sunday, October 22, 2017

Wisdom / Mrs Alice Smith

Mrs Alice Smith
Pastor's Wife
Harvest Baptist Church
Fort Dodge, IA

 I Kings 10: 8-9, “Happy are thy men, happy are these thy servants, which stand continually before thee, and that hear thy wisdom. Blessed be the LORD thy God, which delighted in thee, to set thee on the throne of Israel: because the LORD loved Israel for ever, therefore made he thee king, to do judgment and justice.” Would you like to have a happy man? Would you like to have happy servants? (children) Verse nine says, “Blessed be the Lord God which delighted in thee to set thee on the throne of Israel, because the Lord loved Israel forever.” I believe we could easily read this verse like this, “Happy is your husband happy are your children which stand continually before thee because they hear your wisdom. Blessed be the Lord thy God which delighted in (Your name) to set thee on the throne of your home because the Lord loved you and your house hold for ever, therefore made he thee king to do judgment and justice. The throne of Israel is your house, your home, your life because the Lord loves you forever He gave you this dwelling place and he set the people of your home inside there with you.”  God tells us that when we speak wisdom to our husbands and our children they will be happy.  I think it also means when we deal with our spouse and our children in wisdom they will be happy.   It also says that God made us to do judgment and justice on our houses and our homes and our lives.  
Let’s read some scripture about wisdom. Proverbs 3:13, “Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.” Proverbs 8:11, “For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it.” Proverbs 16:16, “How much better is it to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver!” Proverbs 23:23, “Buy the truth, and sell it not; also wisdom, and instruction, and understanding.” Ecc. 7:12, “For wisdom is a defence, and money is a defence: but the excellency of knowledge is, that wisdom giveth life to them that have it.” Ecc. 9:18, “Wisdom is better than weapons of war: but one sinner destroyeth much good.” Isaiah 33:6, “And wisdom and knowledge shall be the stability of thy times, and strength of salvation: the fear of the LORD is his treasure.” James 3:17, “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.” Proverbs 4:5-12, “Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her. She shall give to thine head an ornament
of grace: a crown of glory shall she deliver to thee. Hear, O my son, and receive my sayings; and the years of thy life shall be many. I have taught thee in the way of wisdom; I have led thee in right paths. When thou goest, thy steps shall not be straitened; and when thou runnest, thou shalt not stumble.”

God’s word tells us that wisdom will preserve us, I believe it will preserve our marriages, our love for our spouses and their families, it will preserve our relationships with our children and grandchildren.  Verse 8 says if we exalt wisdom, wisdom will promote us.   Promote us in our homes, in our marriages, with our children, our grandchildren, with the Lord, and fellow Christians.  Wisdom will bring thee to honor. I think about the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31:25, “Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.”

When we choose to embrace wisdom the scripture says we can be an ornament of grace, royalty, your husband will treat you graciously.

Proverbs 31:28, “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”

James 1:5, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” That is exactly what Solomon did he ask God to give him wisdom in I Kings 3:9, “Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people?”
Ephesians 1:17  That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him Romans 8:26 says Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.  The spirit of wisdom will help our infirmities.  Infirmities (feebleness of mind and body) are when do not know what to do, we do not know the will of God. Let the spirit of wisdom guide you into all truth. Look at Isaiah 11:1-3  And there shall come forth a rod out of the stem of Jesse, and a Branch shall grow out of his roots: And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD; And shall make him of quick understanding in the fear of the LORD: and he shall not judge after the sight of his eyes, neither reprove after the hearing of his ears God’s Word says that we will see things not through our eyes but through God’s eyes, we will hear through God’s ears.  Wisdom will see through your children’s manipulation.  II Cor. 4:18, “While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.  

Wouldn’t you like to see the eternal purpose in what is going on in your home; in your children and spouse’s life?  I believe God will give us wisdom to see past circumstances and see things from an eternal perspective  I Cor. 2:9-16, “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God. For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man. For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.” Let God show you insight on everything going on in your home and in your life.  Judgment and Justice  Read I Samuel 8:15, “And David reigned over all Israel; and David executed judgment and justice unto all his people.”
Answer your husband, children and friends with judgment and justice by speaking the Word of God.   Use the Word of God to guide your speech and your answers.   The old cliché “What would Jesus Do” works every time. Hopefully, these scriptures will give us a hunger and thirst for wisdom that only comes from God’s Word.  

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Broken and Spilled Out / Mrs Sarah Beadle

Mrs Sarah Beadles
Youth Pastor's Wife
New Hope Baptist Church
Independence, MO


Broken and Spilled Out 
“...In sweet abandon, let me be spilled out and used up for thee…” Mark 14:3-9 is the passage that tells us of the alabaster box.      This has been a favorite song of mine for a few years now. Many times near the end of the song I find myself overwhelmed with the love of my Savior! Such sacrifice! Such love in action!      When I think of being spilled out and used up for my Lord, I think of a few key phrases.      *BROKEN* v.3 She had to break the box first. What has God done in your life that has broken you? What was the result of it? God wants to use these times of brokenness in our lives to draw us closer to him. He wants us to Be emptied of SELF and ready to be filled with the Spirit! Are we so full of our own petty thoughts that we can't be filled, and ultimately used up for him?      *SACRIFICE* v.3 “there came a woman having an alabaster box of ointment of spikenard very precious”  It was valuable. But maybe not just worth a lot of money, but sentimental. Many things yay are very valuable to us don't mean much to others. Have we given over our most prized possessions to our Lord? Many times these aren't tangible possessions. If we want to be “used up” for him, it trashes sacrifice.      *CRITICISM* v. 4-5 “And there were some that had indignation within themselves, and said, Why was this waste made” … “and they murmured against her.”   No matter what we do for the Lord there will be some who will criticize in their hearts, or even openly to others. In times like these it's important to keep our eyes on him, and remember that we only want HIS praise. It's all for Him!      *MEMORIAL* v.9 “ Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached throughout the whole world, this also that she hath done shall be spoken of for a memorial of her.” What a thing to be known for. Jesus said of her.. “She hath done what she could…” v.8      In what ways are we allowing ourselves to be spilled our and used up for our Lord?  Are we sacrificing our time under the preaching to work with the children? Maybe sacrificing our early Sunday mornings and afternoons to work on a bus! Or even hug (clean) a toilet! Haha! These areas are seldom seen, or in the spotlight, and usually not filled with lots of praise our thanks.  But what eternal rewards! We should follow our Savior’s example in Matt. 20:28. “Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”  My Pastor/Father always reminds us as a church.. “MORE for Jesus! Not less! MORE!”     Are we prepared to be used up as a wife, or mom? As a friend? As a Daughter? As we serve let's remind ourselves why… it's for Him!
 

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

God is Crazy About You! / Mrs Amy Sapp


Mrs Amy Sapp
Founder of the Helper's of Joy FB Page
Junior Church Worker / Bus Worker / Nursery Worker
Amazing Grace Baptist Church
O'Fallon, MO
Mommy of my Sapplings!
Wife of my Hunk!

God Is Crazy About YOU!

Who are you crazy about? Are you crazy about your husband, the love of your life? Do you remember your first date? Think about how you could not wait for the next time you saw him smile, the next love letter, the next phone call, the next text, the next date! Did your heart “pitter patter” when he would walk into the room? Wow! Planning your wedding! That very first kiss! The excitement of your honeymoon! The first place you would live as husband and wife! The first home you would purchase together! Your first child! All of the many milestones you will share together! You love that man of yours! You are CRAZY about him!
Are you crazy about your children? Do you remember the day you found out that you were expecting? What about the excitement of sharing the news of your pregnancy with each and every person that you knew? Remember how awesome it was to carry that tiny human in your womb; to feel every little move the baby made?! Finding out the gender! Baby showers! Then to head to the hospital! Oh, how you loved that baby from the get go. Everything from rolling over, to the first word, to walking. You were crazy about that baby! Birthdays, broken bones, the excitement of the day they asked Jesus into their heart, kindergarten graduation, their first piano recital, high school graduation, college! Their first date, their wedding day! Every single up or down; you are there! Because you are CRAZY about your child!
Maybe it is your best friend! You have several friends, but you may have one specific friend that is a bit more special than just any friend. It could be someone that you have known since childhood. It could be a sibling or maybe someone you have only known for a short time, and the Lord just knit your hearts together. There is a good chance you know almost every detail of your best friends life! Everything from every special date in her life to her hardest struggles. You get excited when she is excited and hurt when she is hurting. You are there when she needs you to be, because you are CRAZY about your best friend!
What makes you crazy about someone who is special to you? You are crazy about them because you talk to them; you go out of your way to spend time with them. The people that you are crazy about are special! They hold a huge spot in your heart. You trust them with more than just an average type of trust. You love them with an unexplainable kind of love!
Within the last two years, I have had some trials head my way. You could say that my world was turned upside down! I tested positive for BRCA1. It is a gene that everyone carries that naturally fights cancer. My BRCA1 gene is “mutant,” which means it lies dormant. Because of this, I have super high percentage rates of getting certain types of cancer. These past couple of years have taken me beyond my comfort zone and on an emotional roller coaster ride! When I am struggling, my husband will oftentimes remind me, “God has something BIG for the Sapp Family!” Bigger and better than our human comprehension. The Lord trusts me with this! He trusts me to take it and run with it for His glory. I need to trust Him!
Proverbs 3:5 & 6
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him
, and he shall direct thy paths.
God is CRAZY about me!
You realize how crazy we are about certain people in our lives?! God is crazy about us! Unbelievably crazy in love with us! With you and with me! He loves us so much that He sent His only Son to die on the cross for us. Imagine that! That is perfect love!I John 4:18 & 19
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love
him, because he first loved us.”

God has perfect love for us! He is crazy about us! We need to be crazy about Him. Just like you would be crazy about that special person in your life, you can be that crazy about the Lord. Even more so! Spend time with the Lord. Let Him be the first One you talk to in the morning and the last One you talk to at night. One of the best things about prayer is that it isn’t limited to certain times of the day. Share all of your secrets with Him; hold nothing back! Read your Bible; spend time in His Word getting to know the things that are important to Him. Go to church, and really listen to the preaching. Let His Word speak to you. Tell others about Heaven! Share His perfect love with everyone.I Peter 5:7
“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”

You should be crazy about God, because God sure is CRAZY about YOU!



Monday, October 2, 2017

Are You Miserable? / Mrs Leslie Beaman



Mrs Leslie Beaman
Christian School Teacher
State Line Christian School
Lewis Ave Baptist Church
Temperance, MI



Are You Miserable?

     Today I opened a magazine only to read Forbes, 'America's most miserable cities' list showed that Toledo, Ohio was number twelve.  I mean Detroit, MI charted BELOW Toledo at number fifteen!  What's that all about?  I must say I found myself getting mad.  Almost like Mr Forbes had just bad mouthed one of my kids.  Unquestionably, my little Toledo is not the tropics.  And no, it would not be considered the vacation spot of the north either.  But number twelve on the most miserable city list??!  Chicago, another favorite city of mine was ranked number seven.

     Now I could sit down and tell you all the many reasons I love my little Toledo and why I stand proud with other Toledoans.  We have a great zoo with more than 9,000 animals representing more than 800 species.  It sits on 51 beautiful manicured acres of ground and it has a Hippoquarium in which is a first for any zoo in the world.  No surprise that it is one of Ohio's major attractions.  The Toledo Museum of Art which was founded in 1901 has more than 30,000 works of art.  It is an internationally known art museum and ranks among one of the finest in the world.  I could tell you about the Toledo Symphony Orchestra which employs nearly 80 professional musicians.  I could go on and on throwing out words like 'Tony Packos', The Mud Hens and Libby Glass.  I could tell you my own two wonderful sons were born in the Toledo Hospital and tell you of all the thousands of little bus kids that have been reached by the bus ministry of the Lewis Avenue Baptist Church.  Then it hit me!  Mr Forbes surely wouldn't care and I doubt anyone else would be convinced after my most passionate of speeches that Toledo, Ohio didn't belong on that terrible 'Most Miserable City List'.  Why then do I feel the way I do?  Why am I so passionate, so defiant about the city in which I have lived for so many years?  Then it occurred to me.  I love Toledo because this is where the Lord wants me to be.  I love Toledo because right on the state line stands my church.  I love Toledo because this is where I've grown in the Lord.  Toledo is where with my husband of 36 years and I reared our children.

     Toledo may be a decaying miserable city to some, but to me it's home.  It is a wonderful thing to be content with where you are and with what God has given you.

     Let me ask you.  Are you happy and content with your city, your home, your spouse, and the children God has given you to rear?  Are you loyal to your pastor and grateful for your church?  Tell me, if Mr Forbes ranked you, where would you be on America's most miserable persons list?

     The Bible says in Philippians 4:11 - Not that I speak in respect of want:  For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, there with to be content.

     I truly believe the reason many of us go through life miserable is because we have never learned to be content with the things the Lord has given us.  And by the way, if you ever find yourself in greater Toledo, go down to the water-front, sit and (take your coffee) watch the boats go by.  If Toledo is miserable then I LOVE MISERABLE!