The Gloves Are Off
and they are NOT Going Back On
Recently I had one of those “hardest weeks of my life” experiences as a parent. I have been a parent for a long time, over 30 years, in fact. You would think there is not much that could “scare” me at this point or anything that I could not handle or have not handled before. Yet when my youngest child called me up on the phone one day as I was walking into church, sobbing on the other end of the line, my heart stopped.
Let me give you a little background. This is a child who has been raised in a solid Christian home, went to Christian school his whole life. He (we) attended church Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night like clockwork. He has participated in every preaching conference, every special program, had the best possible influences – everything that we felt was right and gave him his best chance at living a life for Christ. He has never given me cause for concern or alarm. I felt this was the one that God gives all mothers of multiple children – the easy one. You know the one? The one that slept well from the beginning as a baby. Never got into trouble or threw fits as a small child. Always had his homework done and got straight A’s. Happy, respectful….. the one that we did not need to worry about.
The sobbing on the other end of the line continued and I had a lot of trouble understanding what was wrong. When I could finally hear the voice and clearly make out what was said, the voice cried, “I have lost her.” My brain immediately thought, “Whew! This I can handle. It is hard, but a broken heart – I’ve got this!” I mean, I have other children. I have already trudged through these waters. What I was not prepared for was the following three days and all of the revelations that were to come.
I responded on the phone with the fact that it will be okay and I am on my way. I met him at home and we started the long process of getting through a heartache. As we sat on the floor of my dressing room together, I began asking questions. I had always been a bit uneasy about him wanting to explore dating with this person. I mean, she didn’t go to our church and I knew literally nothing of her family or her background. This was a young lady he met at work. (in the job that was to help pay for Christian college in a few months).
– Let me interrupt here: Mom, when your gut tells you something is amiss, LISTEN TO IT. DON’T WAIT!
Earlier in the day I had texted him about the fact that his dad and I wanted to get a better handle on his dating life as we felt things were moving too fast, he was getting emotionally involved, and he needed to slow down. He had shared that text with this young lady and she decided that she was done and did not want to be a part of this any longer. She did not want to, “come between he and his family.” That revelation brought us to this moment, sitting on the floor, wiping tears from my son’s eyes.
–Let me interrupt one more time: Teach your children about manipulation! The enemy will use it!
As things began to unravel, I reminded him that God would not bring a person into his life that would go against His Word if it was the right person for him. If she did not want to respect his parents and their wishes, then she clearly was not the person that God had set aside for him…..this is when my worst nightmare began to grow. Here are a few statements from my “easy child” that I was not prepared to hear:
“I cannot be what you want me to be.”
“I don’t know what I believe any more or if I believe the all of that stuff.”
“I feel like I can finally be myself around her and she accepts me that way.”
“I have tried to read the Bible, but God doesn’t speak to me the way others say that He should or does.”
“She said that if you guys cannot accept me, then she will and her family will become my family.”
My mind began to whirl and tears started to fall. WAIT. What happened here? God’s Word started running through my head…. “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour,” 1 Peter 5:8. The enemy was trying to devour my son! How could this have happened? We tried to do everything right and give him his best chance!
As we continued to talk, I began to get more and more desperate. My words seemed to be falling on deaf ears. He kept stating that he could not give her up. He could not lose her. He wanted to start his life and be who he is, not who we think he should be. I spoke all the truths that I knew from His Word about this situation. I reminded him that his dad and I loved him with everything we have and that we are there for him. I told him over and over and we would get through this together and that he needed some time before making any decisions. He was too emotional and he needed to think with a clear head. Let’s just sleep on it….. This lasted for several hours until finally we left that room and I thought things had calmed down enough to rest a bit. When I went to my own bedroom to pray and seek some help from God, I heard the front door open and then my phone went off. I got a text from him saying, “I am sorry. I cannot give her up. I have to leave. I love you, mom.” I immediately texted back, “Please DON’T GO!” The car started and he was gone.
Now my unease turned into outright panic. I hit my knees and started begging God to help me, take the blinds of my son’s eyes, scream into his heart and be heard with a voice that cannot be ignored. He was gone. I didn’t know what to do or where to turn! I called my pastor’s wife and just begged her to pray with me. I called my son’s youth pastor and begged him to pray. I texted a few special and trusted people and asked if they, please, right now would pray for my family. I spent the night awake, in tears, and on the floor crying out to God for His help.
The next day began and I felt like I was living a nightmare. I began texting and trying to reach my son’s heart. Many others also began texting and reaching out to him. Eventually he answered and we decided that we would meet up later that day, after he got off of work, and talk.
I cannot pretend I am an expert on parenting, but I will say this: I had spent an entire night and day crying my eyes out and pleading with God to save my son. Suddenly, another piece of scripture hit me like a ton of bricks – “FEAR NOT, FOR I AM WITH THEE. I WILL NEVER LEAVE THEE NOR FORSAKE THEE.” Fear not. Fear not. Fear not. Over and over, I heard it. I will NOT be afraid to be a parent. I will NOT be afraid to fight for my son. I will storm the gates of hell all by myself before I let the enemy take him from me and from God. I was taking the gloves off and I was preparing for battle.
Game on. I agreed to meet him at work and with her there also. I pulled up early and waited. I spent time in prayer – again asking for wisdom, for the right words, the right timing, ears that would listen and truly hear. I needed His presence there to get through this. They came out of the building and we talked for two hours in the parking lot. Over and over I reminded him of the people he trusted and that loved him. Over and over I told him that I loved him and I wanted to work this out and help him. I addressed her briefly several times. I wanted to make certain she understood this is MY son and I am not giving him up. She needed to know that he had a family that loved him and will do what it takes to save him. At the end, he agreed to come home with me and we were going to continue talking and working together to fix this.
At home, we spent more time talking into the early morning hours. I reminded him of God’s hand on his life. We talked about a skewed perspective and how the enemy has twisted things in his mind to create doubt about his faith and who he is in Christ. Slowly, I started to see some clarity. I saw God work in his heart and some of the blindness fade. He understood that the people who were reaching out to him have always been there for him – the enemy was lying to him and saying they were only interested in him now that he was messing up. I was able to tell him and remind him that all of those things he felt were “forced” upon him, were actually his choices and he loved doing them – serving Christ, choosing a Christian college, etc. As he started to come to his senses, just as the prodigal son, he sat up and grabbed his phone. He told me he had some people to call and needed to make some things right. He called his Dad first (he had been out of town the whole time with work). He called his youth pastor. He started talking to me about his misconceptions and the errors of his thinking. PTL!
Here we are, several days later, and I am still scared. I know the enemy is not done with him yet. A door was opened and the enemy stepped in. I am praying daily that God will create a hedge of protection around him. I say out loud, “Get thee behind him satan!” I am not going to give up. I am going to fight until my last breath for this child of my heart. The summer looms ahead of me. I will be spending it preparing for battle at every turn. I do not know if Christian college is still ahead for my child. I would love that to happen as I am hoping with a year to get closer to God and away from here, clarity will come for him, no matter what he decides to do with his future.
Lessons learned:
1) Phil. 4:13 is real. I CAN do all things through Christ. I did not think I could handle this – but I did.
2) Never be blind to the fact that satan wants your child – there is no guarantee that they will stay in God’s Will no matter what the age or how well they seem to be doing. It can all change very quickly.
3) Listen to your instincts.
4) Don’t be afraid to fight for your child. Say NO.
5) Talk to your children and be real.
6) Get help! Don’t be too proud to ask others for prayer. Let God hear their name over and over from others!
7) LOVE always.
** Four months later, my son is happily attending a Christian Bible college. He is doing amazing! God has a hold of his heart and he is right in the center of His Will.
“Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.” Psalm 150:6
